Do i make you proud?

I never liked Taylor Hicks! He was never my favorite to win. He was never my bet. When i first heard of his final song, it made me realize he is not a bad choice at all. He may not look physically appealing, but his voice and spirit as a competitor made him become the fifth american idol.



Do i make you proud
============================

I've never been
The one to raise my hand
That was not me
and now that's who I am
Because of you
I am standing tall

My heart is full
of endless gratitude
You were the one
The one to guide me through
Now I can see
And I believe
It's only just beginning

This is what we dream about
But the only question with me now
Is do I make you proud
Stronger than I've ever been now
Never been afraid of standing out
Do I make you proud

Everybody needs to rise up
Everybody needs to be loved
To be loved

Christmas Happy!

Pasensya na, wala lang ko lingaw ...hehehe

Season 1 Synopsis:


(January - February) After the very sad breakup with Kim last January, the story started with me listing possible prospects. From 15 probables, it was trimmed to only 1, and since im not happy with the last remaining candidate, i eventually eliminated him and the show continued with the wild cards.

(February 24) Reopened my connexion account because I saw J--- at Fitness First
(February 25) My pictures where finally uploaded, and from there new probables were introduced
(February 27) Had an official meet up with J---
(February 28) The elimination process fast tracked and ended, the winner was declared(hehehe pokpok!!!!) The winner also resigned from his current job.
(March 6) Something happened sa house in QC
(March 18) Moved to new house
(March 28) First monthsary
(April 12-16) Vacation in Bolinao
(April 28) Second Monthsary
(May 18) Its official, manila na siya ..hehehe end of season

There are so many things to look forward this new season:
- J---' new career(his new XDA, car, challenges)
- My NTP project officially ended, looking forward to a new assignment(baka HP daw ko OMG)
- our nth monthsaries, his birthday, new struggles, new conflicts, new characters

Haay i cant believe these all happened in 4 months, i am so excited to see and experience how my life will change soon ...

Christmas Happy
-----------------------

I was the one who first mentioned this term when J--- asked me how I am feeling when we became us, i told Im so Christmas happy... Since then, we used that term to describe how happy we are. This term was again mentioned yesterday, when he asked me how i felt when he announce that he will be assigned here and not in Cebu, i told him Im so Christmas happy!!!

I am so thankful to God for hearing our prayers, to allfriends who also said prayers for us. Im am sooo Christmas happy right now!!!

Why God Why?

After almost two months of waiting, within this week or probably today, we would know where J--- will be assigned. Just 20 minutes ago, he texted me that he may probably be assigned in Cebu(napayosi ko ug 2 ka marlboro na red). From the very start, i already knew the fact that he may leave for an assignmnt in the province. I never thought it is difficult. He hasn't left yet but the very fact that he may be leaving already hurts. It hurts a lot. I can't describe what I am feeling right now. I feel like my world has just stopped and waiting for some good news to come. I have asked God to set our direction because I know I dot have a right, the very right to question his plans for us. I can't question Him why? Maybe its the best for us. I'll just just cross my fingers.

Nearing climax

J---' training has finally ended and he finished it with flying colors.
Right now, im filled with mixed emotions.
Im happy that finally he is over with it. I saw how he strived to pass it.
It wasnt an easy stage for him to pass.
Im sad because he texted me that he might be assigned in my most beloved home town, CEBU.
Cebu is a great place. I am very excited to go home and see how it has developed from the very moment i left it.
I just cant afford to see my mornings waking up without him beside me(char!). He has been a significant part of my daily activities, he has been a part of my life. Things will be different if he will be assigned there, I know it will be.
I may sound selfish but I wish he will just be assigned here.

Angels Brought Me Here

J--- never told me his favorite song, he made it a point that i discover it myself in whatever way i could. But one day while we were at Bolinao, this song just popped out my mouth and he told me thats his favorite song..well after all it too is onn of my favorite songs but not quite a favorite hehehhe ...






[Verse 1]
It's been a long and winding journey, but i'm finally here tonight
Picking up the pieces, and walking back into the light
Into the sunset of your glory, where my heart and future lies
There's nothing like that feeling, when i look into your eyes...

[Bridge]
My dreams came true, when i found you
I found you, my miracle...

[Chorus]
If you could see, what i see, that you're the answer to my prayers
And if you could feel, the tenderness i feel
You would know, it would be clear, that angels brought me here...

[Verse 2]
Standing here before you, feels like i've been born again
Every breath is your love, every heartbeat speaks your name...

[Bridge 2]
My dreams came true, right here in front of you
My miracle...

[Chorus]
If you could see, what i see, you're the answer to my prayers
And if you could feel, the tenderness i feel
You would know, it would be clear, that angels brought me here...

[Bridge 3]
Brought me here to be with you,
I'll be forever grateful (oh forever Faithful)
My dreams came true
When I found you
My miracle...

[Chorus]
If you could see, what i see, you're the answer to my prayers
And if you could feel, the tenderness i feel
You would know, it would be clear, that angels brought me here...
Yes they brought me here...
If you could feel, the tenderness i feel...
You would know, it would be clear, that angels brought me here...

Bolinao na dili isda!

It took me a week to prepare for this trip, may gani nadayon jud mi kay gisugtan ko sa ako mgr na magleave. Haay! thank you Lord. First we planned to go to Galera pero LORD! malain ka sa kamahal, nagsiga ako ilong ug nagdugu dugo sa kamahal sa abang sa balay nya kami ra duha ni J---, Malain akong bat-ang ug huna huna sa 5000 na rent per night. Nitxt sa ako si Van na if mukuyog daw mi, sige amo to giconsider ni J--- pero wa mi kaexpect na nakasakay na mi sa bus going to Bolinao, Pangasinan.

Naabot mi sa Bolinao 10 pm. as in sobra ka ngitngit, feel nako naa ko sa probinsya diri sa cebu. as in ang saba kay mga trike ra. well since dayo mi didto kinahanglan magbinuotan. We rented a trike for 150 going to Bings resort in Patar.Bolinao. Hello!!! naabot ug 300 amo plete sa kalayo take note! 12 kms away diay siya from the town proper, ug ako nawng puno sa abug! it took us an hour to finally get a place, kay ngano? super puno siya and super super mahal..nalain ko kay kami ra duha

it was almost 11 when we finally got a place, it was a small hut called a cabana. We rented it for 1000(kay naay cut ang amo contact). We stayed in the place for 3 days. We just paid 500 for our lunch and dinner for 3 days plus merienda nana! o diba super cheap....

First day ---

We went swimming sa beach just in front sa amo cabaa. The sand was great with very few people kaso sobra ka batuon ang dagat. If naanad ka sa Malapascua, Moalboal, San Remigio, Bantayan, dili siya kacompara, mas nindot jud and Cebu! Well naa naman mi didto so go lng ng go!

After lunch we rested for an hour and rented another trike going to the 2nd tallest lighthouse in the country. It was so beautiful, kita nako tibuok Pilipinas(hehehe joke!) as in it was really tall, nafight jud nako ako fear of heights pero unexpectedly, J--- still had that fear..kataw-anan kau siya gipaningut sa kahadlok hahahaha!!!

After the lighthouse we went to white beach. SHYET! nindot kau. Its a public beach ala moalboal ang feeling. We had a quick dip and it was great. First time ko nagpapicture in trunks and i loved it big time!!! hehehe

We went back sa amo cottage almost 5pm and had a breathtaking view of the sunset(South China Sea version).

We spent the night staring at a very cloudy sky hoping that a star would fall! heheh pero wala so natulog nalang mi.

It was Good Friday when we went to this very secluded public beach. Its sand was white but not very fine, May caves and fishes hehehe.. Lingaw kau mi, sa kainit nag enjoy mi ug sunbathing mao na perteng ituma na nako!

When we went back to our cottage nagsunset watching kami while walking along the white sand shore. And finally nagvideo video mi.hhhee lingaw!

On our last night, J--- woke me up for another round of star gazing. And finally while finishing up our butong pakwan, raisins and boy bawang may star na nagfall. As in direcho we both wished na mayta magdugay mi. Bahala nakornihan mo pero i found it so sweet. It has always been my dream to be on the beach with someone special and true it happened na with J--- hehehe leche! korny!!!!!

Saturday morning we took our last dip sa dagat and said goodbye to a wonderful place, where we spent so many great moments together.... hehehe

We went home via an Alaminos-Cubao bus trip. But before going home, we visited Bolinao's centuries old church.

Need help!

two weeks from now 2nd month na mi, last month he surprised me with a bouquet of flowers i think this is my time to surprise him. we might not be seeing each other for a long time if he be assigned to another province(i hope not in vis-min, LORD!) once he gets regualarized kaya i better do something to make him long for me more once he leaves manila hehehe...

kaya friends tabang!!!! unsa ako buhaton..any suggestions....

Asa ko karon holy week

Dapat unta sa cebu ko, uli ko sa ako pamilya og mga amigo na ako gibiyaan, kaso, gidimalas ko diri, wala ko choice but to back out ..ngano?
1--> balhin ko balay, wa nako wawarts
2--> busy kau sa work, gicancel sa ako manager ang ako leave(paet!)
3--> dili kakuyog ako asawa muna, di na pud kau ko inspired

So unsa naman ako options?
1--> Puerto Galera, cheaper alternative sa Bora!, hala maka dugo ug ilong ang renta sa cottages, 1 airconditioned room costs 5000php!!!..ayaw nalang amo nalang na ipalit ug appliances sa balay, di pud ganahan kau si J--- kay basin daw mag away ra mi, ang mga bayot sa Malate ug club gov, mura rag gibalhin didto...nagbaha sa bayot, hadlok siya kay daghan daw kau temptations
2--> Bolinao, Pangasinan, mas dako chances na diri mi, mas barato daw, white sand, dili daghan tawo, naay underground caves ug other sites, excited ko never been to any place north of Manila pa
3--> mag mika sa balay ..hala paet!

Another surprise but with a sad twist

Last night, J--- called up and excitedly pforced me to go home early because he is hungry na daw and that he wanted to sleep early(last night 3 hours lang sleep niya because of the house warming).

As requested by him, i brought home a can of condensed milk and a pack of ice worth 3 pesos for our melon. When i arrived home, it was dark and silent. I gently opened the door, because i expected him na tulog na(kasi nagtxt siya na matutulog na siya, parang galit kasi 8 na ako umuwi). He was not on our bed, the house was so clean and the candles were lit. On our mini zen, the fountain was flowing and the food was served ready to be eaten. At the back of the door, there I saw my husband hiding, with a smile, eager to see me.

It was a surprise, I couldnt believe he would do it for me. Cleaning the house wasnt his forte. But I was so amazed to see it, cleaner that what I could achieve. He never fails to surprise me. And again, happy napud ko sobra!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After the dinner, my happines turned into sadness... He asked me what I would do if ever, he moight be assigned in the province. I couldnt answer his question. I couldn't imagine myself going home, staying alone, without him beside me when I sleep, without noone to see when I wake up....

We should make use of all the time left we have right now. I am selfish. I wish that he be assigned in Manila. Worst-case, he would go back to his old job, in the call center(h is a very brilliant agent)just to stay.

Kalagot, kung kelan ka super happy, diha pud ka itest...

Thank you

Last Sunday, we celebrated our first soft house warming(naa pay lain). Since we were not allowed to have more than 5 people in the unit, we decided to have many house warmings for our friends. For the first edition, we had Cecille, Yammy and Alex. J---, served our guest with his own version of Shabu-shabu using Claire's rice cooker. I bought a roasted chicken. Alex brought a rolled cake and we complimented it with hot tea.

And since, our loan was released last Friday, it gave us an oppurtunity to buy new things for our house. In a way, it now looks like a house...hehehe... but it still lacks some necessary things..but we know it could wait. (Hello friends, japanese-zen amo proposed theme sa house(with red, blue and black colors), if you decide to give us something lang hehehe)

We cannot, in any way, have this unit without the help of so many friends. To Claire, Georgia, Monette and Cecille for the monetary help(a special thank you goes to the Chinatrust manager to kicked every employees ass just to have our loan approved and released). To Claire for her rice cooker. To Vans and Kima for letting me stay at their place when I was homeless and had no place to stay for two weeks. To everybody, who offered help in their most noble and thoughtful way (Ria, Eugene, Marcy, Pipo and Julius). A very very special thank you to God, for being so good! Thank You!

1 month and counting

Time flies too fast, i never realized, 1 month na kami.
Yesterday, i went to the office early because I know, we will be doing something after work. So sabay na kami sa office. After work, I immediately went straight to Greenhills to meet him. Kaso, he called up and asked where I was, I told him, Im on my way to Greenhills. He told me he is at CyberJ. It was a complete shock. I was surprised. Di ko alam bakit nasa CyberJ siya. I waited for him at the elevator lobby. To my complete surprise, he gave me a bouquet of flowers. I couldnt measure how happy I was that time. I felt so loved. I felt so special. He made me feel very happy. The bouquet has a single red rose and around it were white malaysian mums. He told me the white malaysian mums meant that his intentions are pure and the red rose signified our 1 month together.The red rose around the malaysian mums meant that he chose me among the many guys and that I stood out among them. I gave him a card, containing a special message and there I declared offically that im John Gonzales and I also gave him a necklace..hehehehe
Yesterday was the one of the best moments of my life ...

Crossing my fingers

I never expected that things will run this fast. Yesterday, it took me and J--- 4 hours to iron out plans for our new place(mayta madayon mi). Im excited and hoping that things will work out well for us. Crossing my fingers on that.

No Permanent Address

After the disastrous event that took place at my old place, i decided to finally leave it. I can't bear thinking every night before i sleep that my life may be in danger or speding the day alone trying to check if all doors are locked or hearing the phone imagining that the freaky caller might say something that may cause fear.

Right after the incident, J---' friend Vans offered her place. For threee nights i stayed in her place at Robinson's Circle, Valle Verde. This place is so near ULTRA where teh stampede took place.

Last Thursday, my manager offered her place at Wack Wack Twin Tower B. This palce is much nearer our office so i decided to take her offer. Naa nako kauban pauli, ka share sa taxi, kaso my manager is so workaholic ma forced pud kog stay sa office until 2 am. Pero Ok ra. It so nice to have at least a week a nakastay ko ug usa ka prime condominium.

Last Monday, Ria emailed me and said that i could stay at their unit at Asian Mansion 1. Ok ra pud, coz, feel nako i am more happy staying with close friends. Feel nako guarded and counted kau ako actions sa ako current place, knowing na di kau mi clsoe sa ako manager.

Right now, im still waiting for the land lord to officially say na we could stay na at the unit. This unit is near Greenhills, its nice, as in brand new siya na studio apartment. Im so excited to transfer na hopefull this weekend.

Serendipity

There is this guy that I was planning to have a date with(actually he was the one who invited me, kasi sabi ko, di ako nang iinvite)last november. It didnt push through cause i felt, he wasnt that interested and I had a partner na before we met.

Two weeks after I broke up with my partner, I went to Greenbelt with friends and there I met up with my long time friendster chatmate named Van. As I was on my way home, Van called up and invited me to go with him and his friends to Malate. So go lang ng go.

We spent almost two hours drinking at Sonata until we finally decided to eat somewhere. In that place, I saw this very familiar face, so mataray, I know he was looking at me and I was looking at him too. Si j--- pala yun.

He has been texting me since greenbelt pa that night cause he saw me na pala there and good thing he saw me again sa Malate. I wasnt that into him, he is Ok but not quite Ok. So di ko siya pinansin. He got pissed off, coz sige daw siya txt nako and he never saw me open my phone to check if I have a new message. SO what he did, he erased my number.

The reason why, i didnt reply because he was txting my old number. I didnt PUBLISH my sun number to connexion and downelink friends. That same night i eliminated him sa ako list of potentials. I realized di nako siya type. Wa nako tuyua na ako siya mameet, i felt i was meant to see him. He was on my list though.

Two weeks after that, Thursday February 24, 2006, nag gym ko sa Fitness, and then I saw a different J---, the gym J---, hahaha, nakarealize ko na a type d i nako siya. I cant stop staring at him, hoping that he would approach me. Pero wala. His friends knew that I was staring at him, even kato sa Malate pa.

So what I did, i rebuilt by connexion account and wa online for a day, waiting na he would see me.

Monday February 28, 2006, "ang haba ng buhok ko day", i agreed to meet up with 2 people on the same time and place o diba? kaya na nimo, pero ako sila injanon, usa ra ako imeet.

Almost noon na, when J--- chat window popped, shet..this is it....

This was our conversation ...

J---: Kaw ba ung nakita ko sa Malate and Gym last week?
me: yeah
J---: Palagi mo akong tinitignan diba?
me: huh? di kaya
J---: Pagsnabi kong may nakakita sayo, mga friends ko, may witnesses ako marami sa Malate at gym
me: huh? di ah
J---: Aminin mo na kasi
me: cge in a way
J---: walang in a way, yes or no lng gusto ko
me: yes
J---: last question ko na to
me: ano?
J---: Gusto mo ba ako?
me: huh? bilis mo naman
J---: di naman ibig sabihin non na magiging tayo na, liek what we planned before, date muna, ano gusto mo ba ako, kasi pag hindi, di na ako magpaparamdam sayo, yes or no lng
me: in a way
J---: kulet mo, yes or no lng gusto ko
me: yes
J---: cge gusto mo ba ako mameet mamaya, tulog lng ako
me: huh? bilis naman, may work ako
J---: after work, lapit lng naman haus natin diba? kahit coffee shop lng sa sm north, kahit don lng then uwi na

....

that was our conversation

so three na sila ako imeet, sa the garden, sa coffee shops didto, sa sm north edsa at 10pm, o diba? feeling gwapa kau ko..and on that same day i agreed to have a date with different people everyday until saturday that week. Naay artista, naay lawyer, naay UP masteral student, naay nursing student, naay tag iya ug condo ug car, etc

Then, nabusy ko ug kalit(kabantay mo ngano nagbisaya kog kalit hahaha), so i planned not to meet all of them. Then suddenly, J--- called up..hala ka diha! gipadali ko ug trabaho, gispaot siya nako kay magstart pa daw mi nya in ana na ang mahitabo, walay claro, he was scared na bati ug result..

ANg gwapa, nagdali dali pud ..then nagmeet na mi sa tomas morato sa baang coffee..

There, we just talked, smoked and eventually we become US.

Yeah, again and again, another whirl wind thing, i hope this is something different na. I can feel na he is serious, mafeel man na nimo sa iya friends, before we met, i admit, we admit na murag naglingaw2 ra mi, until we met each other ...

Grabe, todo intro ko sa iya friends, he is so sweet, dala food sa house, ivisit ko sa office, kuhaon ko sa balay, hatud ko sa house, and because of what happened sa house namo ni Ken, we decided to stay together. Sa night na gikawatan mi, I told him na im havin a hard time deciding where to stay because of Ken, coz he is my friend, then nalain siya bayot! kay ngano daw wa jud ko kamention sa iya name...Siya daw in everything that he does, im always part of his plans ..haaay ..

Pero im happy, definitely happy, though this time, ako ang under dog physically(face value) hahhaa, for me that doesnt matter, i know his past, whats important for me right now is us, what happening in the present, and hopefully, naay future

Unlikely

Peste, excited pa man ta ko muoli sa Cebu , pero it s very unlikely na makauli ko. Wlaa na koy kwarta kay mupayad pa ko advance sa balay and to think na wala pa koy gamit. LECHE! ako kwarta hurot ani ..ATAY ANI OI! wa ko gisapot ha!

Officially homeless

LAst Monday gikawatan amo balay, gidala sa kawatan ang TV ug component sauyab ni Kenneth. Gigubot nila pagmaayo amo mga gamit. Pila ka oras human sa panghitabo, naay nitawag nga murag nanghadlok. Advice sa mama ni Alfred na muvacate mi sa balay kay basin balikan mi. Muna karon kami ni Kenneth, Alfred ug ako officially HOMELESS.

Sila Kenneth naa kang Julius nipuyo ug ako kang Vans, closefriend ni Josh.

Haay kakapuy aning kinabuhia, makaluya, makalanag....

Kapoy pangita ug balay, wala pay kwarta..LECHE!

My so called life

Ever since i was in college i have always considered my life as a very big showbiz career, wherein i have to deal with different people, get new shows, assume characters and win peoples hearts.

My first big show was my college life. Here i met so many equally important people in my life. I met Theresians(Cherissa, Brenda, Feliz and Genevie). I never thought that Theresians could be cowboys too. Then I also had Hearter friends(Anchela and Noreen). Mai2 and Apple were my friends from Mindanao. Jaspher was a bonus to our group. And lastly Kenneth, Glenn and Boggs my very good friends from Science High. I consider our group the cream of cool people. We were the noisiest in the class. And everytiem we have no classes, it is a given that most of my btchmates would gather around us just to listen to our stories. Slowly as we progress thru college, we lost some of them to other schools and courses. Brenda and Boggs left first, followed by Kenneth and Noreen. During our graduation, I never expected that this show would end in a bad way. The group was divided because of a petty quarrel.

My next show, Ill call it Aprilfools. Here i met so many different people. People from neighboring provinces(Negros, Davao and Cagayan de Oro), people from big schools in Cebu(USC-ComE, UP, USJR and UC). I truly treasure these people for they were with me as i grew as a proffessional.We were batchmates. We eanjoyed every moment we had together. It was very hard for me to leave them for a job in Manila. i truly will always be an Aprilfool. Apart from my batchmates, at NEC I also met great people--- my groupmates and the entire NEC community.

Then came VPAL-EM. This is an exlusive group of very daring human beings. Ria was our glue, our story teller, a very thoughtful person who made all our wonderful great things happen. Georgia, a character whose life story I could always relate to, my boarding house mate and roommate in Manila. Claire, a co-Aprilfool, whose kindness and generosity i will forever cherish. Maila, our commander, whose advises are always worth remembering, a woman with strong character and soft heart. Maricris, they say she's Ria's twin but with a softer touch. Arlene, the most silent and serious barkada. Monette, my housemate, a person whom I can easily get along with, a person who gives me the most unbiased advise about love and finances. These girls made a great impact in my life. I will never be the person that I am right now without them. They taught me so many great realities about lfie. They taught me to be confident and believe in myself. Kaso nasobraan lang ko, nagbasul siguro sila hahaha....

CyberJ, It shows my struggles as a proffessional whose primary goal is to get a new life in Manila. Here I was able to meet really really great people. Cecille, Mark, Jewel and Abbey. They are four of my closest friends in the company. Though I have met a lot of great people through my interactions with other departments and groups, these people stand out. They reflect the person that I am. Noisy, easy going, and true to one's self. No doubt we click together. They're my lunchtime barkada, gimik barkada, yosi barkada and outing barkada in the office.

Destiny's Child.. My latest show. A show that gathered three different people with very different characters. Julius, a person that I never thought I could get along with. He was our high school bully. I just cant stand being with him. I had always thought that getting near him automatically sibjects myself to scrutiny. Right now, we became roommates, a great listener to all my stupid problems, very understanding, and is always willing to lend a hand when his friends are in trouble. Kenneth, my roommate in Cebu and college barkada. We never spent so much tiem together before. But when I transferred to Manila, i never thought that we would be this close. He is liek a brother to me that I never had. A brother who completely understands my situation. We have similar family issues, struggles and dreams. I am definite that we will continue to face Manila's worst and best together.

My Next Top Boyfriend, my latest show.hahaha(Giapil pa jud)..This show started right after my breakup with Kim. This program showcases my struggle for true love. This is about how I transformed my self as I experience heartbreaks, love and struggles to get the perfect partner I have always wanted and dreamt. It gives people an idea, how I build my priority queue of prospects. How I enqueue new ones and why I dequeue prospects. It has just ended its first season yesterday. Hopefully its second season would not be in the near future.

In one miss universe episode, the host asked the contestants if there is a certain part in their lives that theyd want to be changed, what would it be and why... Well definitely, If he'll ask methat question, I can now sa "NOTHING".

Not looking

Tommorow's going to be valentines day. Last year, I spent it at my gym's spa, had a dinner with my IP-Gateway teammates at our office's pantry and spent the whole night tinkering our software. It was fun, actually it was really really fun(hehehee kaplastic). I didnt have a partner then so it was pretty pretty fine.

How will i spend it this year? Thats today's biggest question for me. Well, I definitely have more options now. This year I'm obviously still loveless(pucha! ngano timingun man na valentines day..leche!)

1) overtime (nasad!)
2) diamond peel or purifying facial at bioessence ( at least laishu diba? Vanity = expressing love for oneself)
3) Get a new haircut at Fix Podium ( O diba? love for oneself napun)
4) Gym ( ingun si ken... LOSER daw ko if mag gym ko ugma..hahahaha!)
5) House ( huhuhu )
6) Spend it with some single friends ( ok ra lingaw ra payts ra...)
7) Surprise date (Wish ko lang!)

Well, I may not have a date tomorrow, at least I didnt rush things out just to get a partner or a date. The lesson I have learned from last Christmas' deadline is something I will always remember. Kaya ..di na ako maghahanap, maghihintay lang ako... Ang saya kaya maging single...no deadlines no pressure just plain fun!

America's Next Top Model

Last night, as Ken and I were watching a replay of Tyra Banks' America's Next Top Model, I can't help but think what my life would be like if I was a model. What's with these models that i really adore? What if I have no pimples and fucking pimple marks? What if i was taller like 5'11 and toner? WouldI make it? Do I have what it takes to be one? Will my preference inhibit me from being one?



When I transferred to Manila, I was exposed to various people in the industry. I met models, art and creative directors, agents, and writers. I've been given oppurtunities to try auditions and go-sees. But given my present physical condition right now, I think being a model is still a wishful thinking for me. I did not show up at those auditions, I was scared.



A lot of times, I thought of giving it a try. I was asked if I was a model in one of the parties I attended before in Malate, an art director asked my friend if I could meet him, because he might consider me for a shoot for a film festival ad, a friend whose bf is a model gave me go-see schedules, an ex-date told me I have a market because of my skin color and body structure and even an ex-date's friend told me the camera loves me and should give print ad modelling a try. Last Saturday, I saw a group of guys and everybody in the bar knows their sexual preference, which is the same as mine and they are all models. I have a friend and I know that I look better than him and yet he is a model. Maybe if I was more aggressive to attend go-sees, it could have been a catalyst for me to be one.




Well, there are things that aren't just for you. Maybe its too late or maybe its not yet my time. But we never know, this year might be mine. After all, when you want something, the universe conspires with you to help you achieve it.

Georgia's Entry

It took me months to read a new entry from Georgia's blog ...

This is the link of her new entry .. an interesting one indeed hehehehe