Friday, February 09, 2007
Almost Valentines Day
Ever since, it has always been my dream to have an authentic Valentines date. When he came to my life, i told myself not to miss any important date sa buhay ko. Indeed, nangyari nga. Sa kasawiang palad, of all sa Valentines pa wala siya. Physically wala siya, pero in my heart and soul kasama ko siya.
Beauty Special
Since Ria came back, her presence has brought me a major realization that I have to keep up with the world's high standards of beauty.(unsa to ako gisulta..usba beh!)
First thing, she made me try her ultra spectacular microdermabrasion kit by Mary Kay. This product is really nice. i almost lost my face when i used it. Grabe ka nice ang iya scrub, you can really feel your skin exfoliating. Well, the pain can testify it.
Second, nangharbor ko ug Hydroquinone and tretinoin creams ni Dan.
Third, she introduced me to katie-jones products which she learned from PinoyExchange. Hmmmm, basta makamoney lang ko palit ko. Im so curious with this product, pattered after Obagi daw and a lot of people were abel to testify its effectiveness. Why not?
First thing, she made me try her ultra spectacular microdermabrasion kit by Mary Kay. This product is really nice. i almost lost my face when i used it. Grabe ka nice ang iya scrub, you can really feel your skin exfoliating. Well, the pain can testify it.
Second, nangharbor ko ug Hydroquinone and tretinoin creams ni Dan.
Third, she introduced me to katie-jones products which she learned from PinoyExchange. Hmmmm, basta makamoney lang ko palit ko. Im so curious with this product, pattered after Obagi daw and a lot of people were abel to testify its effectiveness. Why not?
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Monday, January 29, 2007
Nurture your dreams ...
I'll soon turn 25 this October, which makes me think what have i done for the past 24 years. And if I do have dreams for my future, have I started to do something to make my dreams a reality?
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Day 6 - After 11 months
After so many failed and less-than-a-month relationships, I though I was going to give up on love. 11 months have passed and now I am waiting for our anniv to come. The waiting is not easy because the other part of my heart is not near me. Though he is away, i know deep inside me that we are still near.
At first I gave it a month, and then we succeeded. I waited for 3 - 6 - 9 months, through these times, we grew stronger. A month from now, we are turning a year. And I know we are going to surpass it.
The situation now is hard but we have definitely built a very strong foundation. I just can't wait to see how things will happen. I just love it.
At first I gave it a month, and then we succeeded. I waited for 3 - 6 - 9 months, through these times, we grew stronger. A month from now, we are turning a year. And I know we are going to surpass it.
The situation now is hard but we have definitely built a very strong foundation. I just can't wait to see how things will happen. I just love it.
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Gusto maging ganito ako!
While browsing a pageant forum, I came across teh pic of our representative for manhunt international. I like his looks and body. Haaay wish ko lang ganito itsura ko. His name is Roldunne J. Mendoza. Hindi siya masyadong gwapo, ok lang pinoy na pinoy. Katawan naman niya payat lng pero toned, reachable kung baga. Ambisyoso ba ako? Diba libre lang ang mangarap! walang kokontra. blog ko to!
Day 4 - Spend my life
4 days have past since he left, i missed him so much.
Life now is pretty different. I wake up alone.
I go to bed alone. I missed his presence.
He now calls me often. I text him a lot.
We really try our best to make up for each others absence.
I know this wont be long.
I know someday we will see each other and we will be together again.
He is so sweet. He calls me often to check how I was doing.
He tells me he misses me so much. He tells me who he is with, what he has been doing and where he is to make me feel at ease of his situation there.
Last night while watching Dvd, sa sobrang miss ko, I recalled the night we spent watching DVDs when he asks me to buy food. Shet! namiss ko yun, Kaya what i did, I went outside to buy chicharon and noodles. Though this time I did it alone. But it was still a happy moment for me for I recalled the great moments we had together.
Just this morning I went to Megamall to buy my lunch, as I pass by the lotto station, where I bought my ticket to my bright future heheh(wish ko lng makadaug diba?) I saw this real estate exhibit.
The place was spectacular. I saw myself and him live there.
Its a great place to stay with the person you most love.
Haay, 30 more days and we will see each other again.
Di related blog ko sa title. Whiel writign this blog, this song was played.
I so love thsi song.
Spend my life by u turn
=====================================
I never knew such a day would come,
and I never knew such a love could be inside one.
And I never knew what my life was for,
now that you're here I know for sure.
I never knew till I looked in your eyes,
I was incomplete till the day you walked into my life,
and I never knew that my heart could feel so,
precious and pure one love so real
Can I just see you every morning when I open my eyes.
Can I just feel your heart beating beside me every night
Could we just feel this way together till the end of all time.
Can I just spend my life with you.
Now baby the days and the week and the years roll by,
but nothing will change the love inside you and I.
And baby I'll never find any words that could explain,
just how much my heart my life my soul you've changed.
(When no one else else understands)
(Can we tell God that your my man)
(How much I love you)
(Oh baby baby)
No touch has ever felt so wonderful
ANd no deeper love I've never known
I swear this love is true
(NOw and forever for you)
Only for you, for you
oh oh oh
Can I just see you every morning when I open my eyes. ooh ooh ooh oh oh oh
=============================================
Life now is pretty different. I wake up alone.
I go to bed alone. I missed his presence.
He now calls me often. I text him a lot.
We really try our best to make up for each others absence.
I know this wont be long.
I know someday we will see each other and we will be together again.
He is so sweet. He calls me often to check how I was doing.
He tells me he misses me so much. He tells me who he is with, what he has been doing and where he is to make me feel at ease of his situation there.
Last night while watching Dvd, sa sobrang miss ko, I recalled the night we spent watching DVDs when he asks me to buy food. Shet! namiss ko yun, Kaya what i did, I went outside to buy chicharon and noodles. Though this time I did it alone. But it was still a happy moment for me for I recalled the great moments we had together.
Just this morning I went to Megamall to buy my lunch, as I pass by the lotto station, where I bought my ticket to my bright future heheh(wish ko lng makadaug diba?) I saw this real estate exhibit.
The place was spectacular. I saw myself and him live there.
Its a great place to stay with the person you most love.
Haay, 30 more days and we will see each other again.
Di related blog ko sa title. Whiel writign this blog, this song was played.
I so love thsi song.
Spend my life by u turn
=====================================
I never knew such a day would come,
and I never knew such a love could be inside one.
And I never knew what my life was for,
now that you're here I know for sure.
I never knew till I looked in your eyes,
I was incomplete till the day you walked into my life,
and I never knew that my heart could feel so,
precious and pure one love so real
Can I just see you every morning when I open my eyes.
Can I just feel your heart beating beside me every night
Could we just feel this way together till the end of all time.
Can I just spend my life with you.
Now baby the days and the week and the years roll by,
but nothing will change the love inside you and I.
And baby I'll never find any words that could explain,
just how much my heart my life my soul you've changed.
(When no one else else understands)
(Can we tell God that your my man)
(How much I love you)
(Oh baby baby)
No touch has ever felt so wonderful
ANd no deeper love I've never known
I swear this love is true
(NOw and forever for you)
Only for you, for you
oh oh oh
Can I just see you every morning when I open my eyes. ooh ooh ooh oh oh oh
=============================================
Monday, January 22, 2007
Day 1: Rewriting History
My monday was the longest day so far for this year. It was our last day together. He left last 1am. A new chapter of our story has just started. A story that will be filled with new characters, new challenges, and new sacrifices. Haunted by fear, we will face these new challenges with trust, honesty, understanding and love.
As I open this new chapter, I feel like going back and rewrite our story. I kept asking myself what went wrong. Why was he reassigned? What was God's plan for us?
As I go through the past chapter, I've realized that maybe we may have done things leading us to this phase. Honestly, I have done things. Was his reassignment a punishment? If it was, was it because of me? Was it because of what I did that caused him some negativities in his job? or is this just a phase that he has to undergo to prove his worth and abilities?
For whatever it is, this new chapter has began. We can't do anything to rewrite it.
As I open this new chapter, I feel like going back and rewrite our story. I kept asking myself what went wrong. Why was he reassigned? What was God's plan for us?
As I go through the past chapter, I've realized that maybe we may have done things leading us to this phase. Honestly, I have done things. Was his reassignment a punishment? If it was, was it because of me? Was it because of what I did that caused him some negativities in his job? or is this just a phase that he has to undergo to prove his worth and abilities?
For whatever it is, this new chapter has began. We can't do anything to rewrite it.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Wow Philippines! Pagudpod .. my next stop
It has always been my dream to travel around the country and see how beautiful it is.
I am so blessed to be born and raised in Cebu. It is the country's number 1 tourist destination. There is so much to visit, so much to eat and so much to experience in the Queen City of the South. In the Visayas, Bohol was my first vacation stop. I was mesmerized by Bohol's simplicity and beauty. Panglao Island will never disappoint any tourist. Before I left Cebu for Manila, I had a chance to visit the university city of Dumaguete as well as the enchanting island of Siquijor.
I never had the chance to see the island of promise that we all call Mindanao. Until now, Camiguin, Siargao, Bukidnon, Dakak and Davao still continues to be a dream destination.
Manila has been considered my pseudo-home for the past 18 months. Luzon, where Manila is, is the country's biggest island and is home to various tourist destinations. My first stop here was Puerto Galera. This island is crazy, a cradle of interesting people like me. hehehe... I consider my holy week escapade in Bolinao, Pangasinan as very memorable. Subic is always a cool place to visit. Tagaytay unitl now continues to mesmerize me with its romantic atmosphere. While, batangas is also a great place to go if you wanted to escape Manila's noise and just head to the beach.
2007 welcomed me with a very sad twist but nevertheless it opened the idea of me going to another perfect dream vacation spot! Laoag City, where my dearly beloved will soon be assigned to is where the Paoay church is, It is considered one of the country's oldest and well-preserved church. South of it is the centuries old and still preserved city of Vigan. Finally, north of Laoag is the world famous Pagudpod. I am a beach addict and before i head to the spectacular beaches of the Indian ocean, Pacific ocean and the Carribean, I should first experience what my own country has to offer.
Thinking about it makes me really excited. Considering that it is our anniversary, spending it in a place such as Pagudpod would definitely make it more memorable.
Didn't I tell you they have windmills?
43 days nalang!!!!
Heritage City of Vigan
Sunshine City of Laoag
Pagudpod
I am so blessed to be born and raised in Cebu. It is the country's number 1 tourist destination. There is so much to visit, so much to eat and so much to experience in the Queen City of the South. In the Visayas, Bohol was my first vacation stop. I was mesmerized by Bohol's simplicity and beauty. Panglao Island will never disappoint any tourist. Before I left Cebu for Manila, I had a chance to visit the university city of Dumaguete as well as the enchanting island of Siquijor.
I never had the chance to see the island of promise that we all call Mindanao. Until now, Camiguin, Siargao, Bukidnon, Dakak and Davao still continues to be a dream destination.
Manila has been considered my pseudo-home for the past 18 months. Luzon, where Manila is, is the country's biggest island and is home to various tourist destinations. My first stop here was Puerto Galera. This island is crazy, a cradle of interesting people like me. hehehe... I consider my holy week escapade in Bolinao, Pangasinan as very memorable. Subic is always a cool place to visit. Tagaytay unitl now continues to mesmerize me with its romantic atmosphere. While, batangas is also a great place to go if you wanted to escape Manila's noise and just head to the beach.
2007 welcomed me with a very sad twist but nevertheless it opened the idea of me going to another perfect dream vacation spot! Laoag City, where my dearly beloved will soon be assigned to is where the Paoay church is, It is considered one of the country's oldest and well-preserved church. South of it is the centuries old and still preserved city of Vigan. Finally, north of Laoag is the world famous Pagudpod. I am a beach addict and before i head to the spectacular beaches of the Indian ocean, Pacific ocean and the Carribean, I should first experience what my own country has to offer.
Thinking about it makes me really excited. Considering that it is our anniversary, spending it in a place such as Pagudpod would definitely make it more memorable.
Didn't I tell you they have windmills?
43 days nalang!!!!
Heritage City of Vigan
Sunshine City of Laoag
Pagudpod
It is all about the bond
Ever since 2007 started,I can't help but start counting the number of days before my bond expires. I felt that I have lost so many oppurtunities just because of that useless, "I can't figure out why?", unimaginable, inhuman, selfish bond. 6 months of sleep is not a far cry.
Gym Searching
I have cancelled my Fitness First membership last December. Though I cannot rightfully tell if im officially out of the gym because I havent paid my bill last month. I consider this as a moment for me to prove that I can gain weight just by eating.
Almost two months have passed since my last gym visit, my shape is still intact. Oh, not very intact as I should correctly say it. I can feel the heaviness of my stomach nowadays. I no longer feel comfortable with my shape. I feel insecure everytime I see some officemates who are still going to the gym. I still think they look sexier than I am, even if my mind, heart and soul tells me theyre nothing compared to me. How about those guys I admire and wish that my body was as spectacular as theirs. Huhuhu, how will I ever realize such feat. I wanna look like them. naaah.
With such situation I am in right now, I realized that confidence is not a matter of how people think about you. It is about how you see yourself. Does this conclude that I am insecure, that I lack confidence and that I am so trying hard to be sexy? Ooops! That hurts, but maybe this is the truth I have always hidden inside of me.
It's 2007 and I've got so much things to accomplish for the year and the degradation of my self confidence is never a part of it. it should never be part of it.
Gym searching is fun hehehe. I thought that I could enroll at Gold's gym for 1000 because a friend might tag me along with her company benefit. But to my disappointment, I decided not to pursue this plan because this would mean she has to shell out an additional 800 pesos for her gym membership which she won't be needing. I can't seem to find any gym within the perimeters of my office and home. And so, I went to Pinoyexchange as my final refuge. Gladly, somebody suggested that a 24/7 gym will be opening somewhere Ortigas/Shaw area. Yes, its Eclipse gym. Theyre offering a 1200 per month for non-peak hours. They're opening sometime this February. Well, I cant just hide my excitement. I wanna go back to the gym! Sumemr is coming and I just can't imagine myself strutting the gym wearing a shirt hehehehe....
Almost two months have passed since my last gym visit, my shape is still intact. Oh, not very intact as I should correctly say it. I can feel the heaviness of my stomach nowadays. I no longer feel comfortable with my shape. I feel insecure everytime I see some officemates who are still going to the gym. I still think they look sexier than I am, even if my mind, heart and soul tells me theyre nothing compared to me. How about those guys I admire and wish that my body was as spectacular as theirs. Huhuhu, how will I ever realize such feat. I wanna look like them. naaah.
With such situation I am in right now, I realized that confidence is not a matter of how people think about you. It is about how you see yourself. Does this conclude that I am insecure, that I lack confidence and that I am so trying hard to be sexy? Ooops! That hurts, but maybe this is the truth I have always hidden inside of me.
It's 2007 and I've got so much things to accomplish for the year and the degradation of my self confidence is never a part of it. it should never be part of it.
Gym searching is fun hehehe. I thought that I could enroll at Gold's gym for 1000 because a friend might tag me along with her company benefit. But to my disappointment, I decided not to pursue this plan because this would mean she has to shell out an additional 800 pesos for her gym membership which she won't be needing. I can't seem to find any gym within the perimeters of my office and home. And so, I went to Pinoyexchange as my final refuge. Gladly, somebody suggested that a 24/7 gym will be opening somewhere Ortigas/Shaw area. Yes, its Eclipse gym. Theyre offering a 1200 per month for non-peak hours. They're opening sometime this February. Well, I cant just hide my excitement. I wanna go back to the gym! Sumemr is coming and I just can't imagine myself strutting the gym wearing a shirt hehehehe....
Sunday, January 07, 2007
The Queen City Experience
I'm still waiting for some pics to come but I cant help but blog our experience before i forget them hehehhe
More pics at johnmaunes.multiply.com
Dec 20 - NEC friends reunion
Dec 21 - Schi-hi X-mas Party at Thomas' place
Dec 22 and 23 - Party at Kasadja
Dec 24 and 25 - XMAS!!!!
Dec 26 and 27 - SANREM
Dec 28 - City Tour
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Dec 29 - Uli na
More pics at johnmaunes.multiply.com
Dec 20 - NEC friends reunion
Dec 21 - Schi-hi X-mas Party at Thomas' place
Dec 22 and 23 - Party at Kasadja
Dec 24 and 25 - XMAS!!!!
Dec 26 and 27 - SANREM
Dec 28 - City Tour
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Dec 29 - Uli na
Coping up
------------------
January 3, 2007 - Wednesday
------------------
After getting up for work, I kissed him goodbye and he told me he has headache. So before I left i gave him a head massage and left for work.
Between 5 - 6pm, I got a call from him telling me of a news. In a sobbing voice, he said he was reassigned to Ilocos. This was one of the most silent moments I had, I felt my head squeezing and my heart stop beating. I was in disbelief.
I wanted to cry. I wanted to shout. What a great way to start my year. It was my fist working day for 2007 but I cant help it, I cant focus. I cant work.
We kept calling each other, exchanging sorrows, what ifs, "I'll miss you's", "I love you's", "don't leaves me's". Till I cant help it, 8pm I went home.
Before I got a jeep for our place, I visited EDSA shrine to tell God, why he did this to us. This wasn't the expected answer I asked from him. I asked him of other things. I just can't understand why he gave us this. I was so uncomposed, so sad and disturbed.
When I got home, he wasn't at home yet. The sadness, emptiness and loneliness struck me. I missed him so much. When he got home, he was crying and then both of us were.
We recalled the first moment we saw each other. The things we've been through. The fights we had and how we solved it. We recalled our vacations, our monthsaries, the appliances we bought for the house, how we made the house look the way it is right now. We remembered each story that was created from every corner and thing in the house. We viewed the video he created for me for our anniversary and we scanned though the slumbook i gave him for his bday. He promised that when he leaves he will give me his pendant, the very pendant his mom gave him, a pendat that is so close to him. He will keep his chain, teh chain i gave him for his bday. Through this I'll have a part of him and He'll have a part of me. We promsied that every time we meet, we are gonna reunite this pieces together. It was painful to recall those moments but it made us realized that indeed we were so much in love with each other. We spent the night crying, giving promises.
It is during these trying times when we value every bit of memory and importance a person has to us.
------------------
January 4, 2007 - Thursday
------------------
Since he was leaving for Ilocos this weekend, I decided if at least he would see his friends to say goodbye. So i texted Vans and asked her if we could drop by. Thursday night before going to Van's place, we passed by Sto. Domingo church. He showed me a video he created for me, a video containing our pictures and some romantic messages for me. While watching the video, I cried, he cried, we both cried. After the video was shown, he held my hand and asked me if I will marry him. I laughed. He said that in this very symbolic place, he promised to love me and asked me to marry him, he may not have a ring but he said his intentions were true. I asked him how is it possible. He said it doesnt matter if its impossible now, what is improtant is that I love him ,he loves me, we love each other and that someday, when everythings ok we will go out of the country and marry. Definitely, I said yes hahahah....
While at Van's place, the idea of going to Ilocos popped out. That made me happy. Thinking that I could be with him for our anniv. This lightened the heavy load in my heart.
It was so painful to help him pack his clothes. The room started to look empty. Seeing our cabinet with only my clothes on was so depressing. We can't help it.
------------------
January 5, 2007 - Friday
------------------
After getting up, I really wanted to be absent at work, i wanted to spend the day with him. Knowing that he will be leaving tomorrow, I wanted to break the rules for the person I love. Before leaving the house for work, he called his manager and asked if he could get an extension for he has to finish some documents for turn over. Gladly, his manager agreed. haaay.....BTW, Cecille is comign with us for Laoag
------------------
January 6, 2007 - Saturday
------------------
Since J--- is going to Bulacan for his family reunion, I went to work for OT. There I discovered that Cebu Pacific is having a 99 pesos sale for all domestic destinations from February 1 - March 31. Hehehehe matutuloy na nga ung anniv namin dun.
January 3, 2007 - Wednesday
------------------
After getting up for work, I kissed him goodbye and he told me he has headache. So before I left i gave him a head massage and left for work.
Between 5 - 6pm, I got a call from him telling me of a news. In a sobbing voice, he said he was reassigned to Ilocos. This was one of the most silent moments I had, I felt my head squeezing and my heart stop beating. I was in disbelief.
I wanted to cry. I wanted to shout. What a great way to start my year. It was my fist working day for 2007 but I cant help it, I cant focus. I cant work.
We kept calling each other, exchanging sorrows, what ifs, "I'll miss you's", "I love you's", "don't leaves me's". Till I cant help it, 8pm I went home.
Before I got a jeep for our place, I visited EDSA shrine to tell God, why he did this to us. This wasn't the expected answer I asked from him. I asked him of other things. I just can't understand why he gave us this. I was so uncomposed, so sad and disturbed.
When I got home, he wasn't at home yet. The sadness, emptiness and loneliness struck me. I missed him so much. When he got home, he was crying and then both of us were.
We recalled the first moment we saw each other. The things we've been through. The fights we had and how we solved it. We recalled our vacations, our monthsaries, the appliances we bought for the house, how we made the house look the way it is right now. We remembered each story that was created from every corner and thing in the house. We viewed the video he created for me for our anniversary and we scanned though the slumbook i gave him for his bday. He promised that when he leaves he will give me his pendant, the very pendant his mom gave him, a pendat that is so close to him. He will keep his chain, teh chain i gave him for his bday. Through this I'll have a part of him and He'll have a part of me. We promsied that every time we meet, we are gonna reunite this pieces together. It was painful to recall those moments but it made us realized that indeed we were so much in love with each other. We spent the night crying, giving promises.
It is during these trying times when we value every bit of memory and importance a person has to us.
------------------
January 4, 2007 - Thursday
------------------
Since he was leaving for Ilocos this weekend, I decided if at least he would see his friends to say goodbye. So i texted Vans and asked her if we could drop by. Thursday night before going to Van's place, we passed by Sto. Domingo church. He showed me a video he created for me, a video containing our pictures and some romantic messages for me. While watching the video, I cried, he cried, we both cried. After the video was shown, he held my hand and asked me if I will marry him. I laughed. He said that in this very symbolic place, he promised to love me and asked me to marry him, he may not have a ring but he said his intentions were true. I asked him how is it possible. He said it doesnt matter if its impossible now, what is improtant is that I love him ,he loves me, we love each other and that someday, when everythings ok we will go out of the country and marry. Definitely, I said yes hahahah....
While at Van's place, the idea of going to Ilocos popped out. That made me happy. Thinking that I could be with him for our anniv. This lightened the heavy load in my heart.
It was so painful to help him pack his clothes. The room started to look empty. Seeing our cabinet with only my clothes on was so depressing. We can't help it.
------------------
January 5, 2007 - Friday
------------------
After getting up, I really wanted to be absent at work, i wanted to spend the day with him. Knowing that he will be leaving tomorrow, I wanted to break the rules for the person I love. Before leaving the house for work, he called his manager and asked if he could get an extension for he has to finish some documents for turn over. Gladly, his manager agreed. haaay.....BTW, Cecille is comign with us for Laoag
------------------
January 6, 2007 - Saturday
------------------
Since J--- is going to Bulacan for his family reunion, I went to work for OT. There I discovered that Cebu Pacific is having a 99 pesos sale for all domestic destinations from February 1 - March 31. Hehehehe matutuloy na nga ung anniv namin dun.
Friday, January 05, 2007
sad new year
ill talk about our recent cebu xmas trip after all the pictures have been collated. for now, ladies and gentlemen, im very sad to announce that my new year isn't that good.
last wednesday, the day that we both fear came.
his boss called him and announced that he'll be assigned in laoag city, ilocos norte! FUCK! para akong tinapunan ng comet ni goddess Venus!
what a great way to start the year ... will update you soon regarding the recent happenings sa disastrous moment sa amo life. haaay LORD.. WHY GOD WHY
last wednesday, the day that we both fear came.
his boss called him and announced that he'll be assigned in laoag city, ilocos norte! FUCK! para akong tinapunan ng comet ni goddess Venus!
what a great way to start the year ... will update you soon regarding the recent happenings sa disastrous moment sa amo life. haaay LORD.. WHY GOD WHY
Monday, December 11, 2006
On My Own
Move over Go The Distance and When You Believe. I officially declare this as my official inspirational song. Thanks to the first Philippine idol.
I'm wiser now
I'm not the foolish girl you used to know
So long ago
I'm stronger now
I've learned from my mistakes which way to go
And I should know
I put myself aside to do it your way
But now I need to do it all alone
And I am not afraid to try it on my own
I don't care if I'm right or wrong
I'll live my life the way I feel
No matter what I'll keep it real you know
Time for me to do it on my own
Yeah yeah, mmm, yeah yeah
It's over now
I can't go back to living through your eyes
Too many lines
And if you don't know by now
I can't go back to being someone else
Not anymore
I never had a chance to do things my way
So now it's time for me to take control
And I am not afraid to try it on my own
I don't care if I'm right or wrong
I'll live my life the way I feel
No matter what I'm gonna keep it real you know
Time for me to do it
Oh I start again go back to one
I'm running things in my way
Can't stop me now, I've just begun
Don't even think about it
There ain't no way about it
I'm taking names, the ones of mine
Yes I'm gonna take my turn
It's time for me to finally stand alone, stand alone
I am not afraid to try it on my own
And I don't care if I'm right or wrong
I'll live my life the way I feel
No matter what I'm gonna keep it real you know
It's time for me to do it
See I'm not afraid
I'm wiser now
I'm not the foolish girl you used to know
So long ago
I'm stronger now
I've learned from my mistakes which way to go
And I should know
I put myself aside to do it your way
But now I need to do it all alone
And I am not afraid to try it on my own
I don't care if I'm right or wrong
I'll live my life the way I feel
No matter what I'll keep it real you know
Time for me to do it on my own
Yeah yeah, mmm, yeah yeah
It's over now
I can't go back to living through your eyes
Too many lines
And if you don't know by now
I can't go back to being someone else
Not anymore
I never had a chance to do things my way
So now it's time for me to take control
And I am not afraid to try it on my own
I don't care if I'm right or wrong
I'll live my life the way I feel
No matter what I'm gonna keep it real you know
Time for me to do it
Oh I start again go back to one
I'm running things in my way
Can't stop me now, I've just begun
Don't even think about it
There ain't no way about it
I'm taking names, the ones of mine
Yes I'm gonna take my turn
It's time for me to finally stand alone, stand alone
I am not afraid to try it on my own
And I don't care if I'm right or wrong
I'll live my life the way I feel
No matter what I'm gonna keep it real you know
It's time for me to do it
See I'm not afraid
Monday, November 27, 2006
"You And Me"
I first heard this song while watching Smallville, accidentally it was its American premier. Two nights ago while watching the season finale of 4400, this song was again played. The last time i heard of this song was last year, just right before I resigned. I so lvoe this song that everytime I hear it, I always feel so in love and so loved.
"You And Me"
What day is it? And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time
Cause it's you and me and all other people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
All of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words
You've got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here
Cause it's you and me and all other people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
There's something about you now
I can't quite figure out
Everything she does is beautiful
Everything she does is right
Cause it's you and me and all other people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
and me and all other people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
What day is it?
And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive
"You And Me"
What day is it? And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time
Cause it's you and me and all other people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
All of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words
You've got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here
Cause it's you and me and all other people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
There's something about you now
I can't quite figure out
Everything she does is beautiful
Everything she does is right
Cause it's you and me and all other people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
and me and all other people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
What day is it?
And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Can't Sleep .. Insomnia?
I have been deprived of getting a straight 8 hours sleep lately. I dont know what this is..insomnia perhaps? Or a sleeping pattern disorder? whatever! Why cant I sleep before 3am? Why is it that I only get sleepy when the clock ticks 3am? Do i have a disease? Or am i developing this so called of an evolution into something? What am I? A 4400? a mutant? Will I be developing an ability?(Oh my God, effect na siguro to ng kakanood ko ng Lost, Desperate Housewives, Supernatural and 4400). Why is it that sometimes I tend to act OC?(Bree?). Gusto kong magkaroon ng powers! Parang Pyro or some precognitive o telekinetic or life-absorbing ability perhaps? Ano ba? My post is not making any sense.....
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Im coming home
As an additional gift for my birthday, aside from treating me for a very happy and memorable vacation down south of Manila, J--- bought me a round trip ticket to Cebu.
By December 20, I'll be home. I'm really excited about this. I have been wanting to see Cebu. I missed the people so much. I missed the food(barbecue, lechon, chicharon). I missed the places I used to hang out and visit. I missed my family and friends. He will also be pending Christmas with me in Cebu. So, that will be another great thing and something that I will be looking forward to next month. .... barely a month to go .....
By December 20, I'll be home. I'm really excited about this. I have been wanting to see Cebu. I missed the people so much. I missed the food(barbecue, lechon, chicharon). I missed the places I used to hang out and visit. I missed my family and friends. He will also be pending Christmas with me in Cebu. So, that will be another great thing and something that I will be looking forward to next month. .... barely a month to go .....
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
I'm Guilty
There are so many things bothering me lately. Things in the past that i did, they're haunting me.
I'm guilty for not respecting my father. I always thought that he was a big burden for my mother. I've always wanted to see him make the ends meet for my family. I hated him for I didn't grow up with luxuries in life that I often see in my classmates and cousins. I hated him for being so strict and too disciplinarian that everytime I hear his voice it seems to me that a lightning has just struck my ear. I hated him for not doing always the household chores when in fact he is always at home. Now I hated myself for hating him. He is a good father. All I saw in him was his negative side. I never realized not until I grew up that he did try his best to pelase us. He was an all around father. He knows how to cook. He wakes up very early every morning just to cook our food for breakfast and baon. He even bakes cakes and pastries for us. He knows how to sew. He fixes our worn clothes, he made a customized bag for us, he tailored our uniforms, he made bedsheets, seat covers and curtains for our house. He knows how to do carpentry and mechanical works. He repairs our house, made a cabinet for us and troubleshoots our broken appliances. He even made a vegetable garden so that we always have fresh vegetables for our meal. He protects us from burglars and from dangerous people. He did all he could just to pay for my graduation expenses when I was in high school and college. Just to have what we need, he even sacrificed his life for us by going abroad, suffered he terror of his Korean employer just to send us money. I am guilty because when I left for Manila, I forgot his birthday and greeted him 2 days after. He may not be the best financial provider for us but he did everything he could just to prove that he loves us. Wow! what a wonderful father my father is!
I am guilty for not loving my mother as much as she loved me. I know deep in my heart and in my mind that mama loves us so much. I am guilty and I am sad that I couldnt repay her. I hate myself for hurting her. I hate myself for not fulfilling my promise to her. I hate myself for hurting her. She was my inspiration when I was still studying. I promised her that once I get a job Ill give her the best life there is that I could. I am so sorry mama. I dont want to promise anything but as soon as things get normal. Things would be better for us.
I am guilty for competing with my siblings. We used to be a happy not until the moment I realized I was gay. I started to separate myself from my sister and brother because I was afraid that they might not respect me. I hated it when my brother borrows thigns from me. I used to shout at him for doing it. I hated helping them with their studies. I laugh at their mistakes, for me it was success. I was afraid that they might surpass my academic achievements for I knew that they're more mentally capable than I am, its just that I was the more diligent son. I thought that if they excel, nothing will be left of me. Theyre more talented and more physically gifted. I was the ugly son. The boring son. Now that we are older, things got better for them. If only I helped them before, they could have achieved more. I miss my siblings. If only I was a better brother.
I am guilty for not spending too much time with my grandmother. My grandmother made me a good person. Because of her, I excelled in school. She taught me everything to prepare me for grade school. She taught me good values. During her last years, I felt tired takign good care of her. Everytime she calls for my attention when she needed something or when she wants to spend time with me, I normally run just to avoid her. I hated myself for doing it. I miss lola so much. I love her so much. She doesnt deserve it.
I am guilty for not paying too much attention to my father's family because they are poor. I spent much of my growing years with my mothers family. I know all of them. Too bad I only know a handful of my father's family. I thought they were misguided. Maybe it was my father's fault for not letting us spend time with them. It could have made a difference. I always compare them with my cousins from my mother's side. I never realized that they are still part of the big family I am. I am who they are. We belong to the same family. I was blessed for being given a good childhood with good education and right upbringing. I could have shared to them the great things I had.
I am not a perfect person. I know I did things that I regret now. I know realizing my faults will make me a better person. I do hope I would be able to makeup the things I failed to do before. I am so sorry for hurting my family. I am sorry for not being the person you have always wanted me to become.
I'm guilty for not respecting my father. I always thought that he was a big burden for my mother. I've always wanted to see him make the ends meet for my family. I hated him for I didn't grow up with luxuries in life that I often see in my classmates and cousins. I hated him for being so strict and too disciplinarian that everytime I hear his voice it seems to me that a lightning has just struck my ear. I hated him for not doing always the household chores when in fact he is always at home. Now I hated myself for hating him. He is a good father. All I saw in him was his negative side. I never realized not until I grew up that he did try his best to pelase us. He was an all around father. He knows how to cook. He wakes up very early every morning just to cook our food for breakfast and baon. He even bakes cakes and pastries for us. He knows how to sew. He fixes our worn clothes, he made a customized bag for us, he tailored our uniforms, he made bedsheets, seat covers and curtains for our house. He knows how to do carpentry and mechanical works. He repairs our house, made a cabinet for us and troubleshoots our broken appliances. He even made a vegetable garden so that we always have fresh vegetables for our meal. He protects us from burglars and from dangerous people. He did all he could just to pay for my graduation expenses when I was in high school and college. Just to have what we need, he even sacrificed his life for us by going abroad, suffered he terror of his Korean employer just to send us money. I am guilty because when I left for Manila, I forgot his birthday and greeted him 2 days after. He may not be the best financial provider for us but he did everything he could just to prove that he loves us. Wow! what a wonderful father my father is!
I am guilty for not loving my mother as much as she loved me. I know deep in my heart and in my mind that mama loves us so much. I am guilty and I am sad that I couldnt repay her. I hate myself for hurting her. I hate myself for not fulfilling my promise to her. I hate myself for hurting her. She was my inspiration when I was still studying. I promised her that once I get a job Ill give her the best life there is that I could. I am so sorry mama. I dont want to promise anything but as soon as things get normal. Things would be better for us.
I am guilty for competing with my siblings. We used to be a happy not until the moment I realized I was gay. I started to separate myself from my sister and brother because I was afraid that they might not respect me. I hated it when my brother borrows thigns from me. I used to shout at him for doing it. I hated helping them with their studies. I laugh at their mistakes, for me it was success. I was afraid that they might surpass my academic achievements for I knew that they're more mentally capable than I am, its just that I was the more diligent son. I thought that if they excel, nothing will be left of me. Theyre more talented and more physically gifted. I was the ugly son. The boring son. Now that we are older, things got better for them. If only I helped them before, they could have achieved more. I miss my siblings. If only I was a better brother.
I am guilty for not spending too much time with my grandmother. My grandmother made me a good person. Because of her, I excelled in school. She taught me everything to prepare me for grade school. She taught me good values. During her last years, I felt tired takign good care of her. Everytime she calls for my attention when she needed something or when she wants to spend time with me, I normally run just to avoid her. I hated myself for doing it. I miss lola so much. I love her so much. She doesnt deserve it.
I am guilty for not paying too much attention to my father's family because they are poor. I spent much of my growing years with my mothers family. I know all of them. Too bad I only know a handful of my father's family. I thought they were misguided. Maybe it was my father's fault for not letting us spend time with them. It could have made a difference. I always compare them with my cousins from my mother's side. I never realized that they are still part of the big family I am. I am who they are. We belong to the same family. I was blessed for being given a good childhood with good education and right upbringing. I could have shared to them the great things I had.
I am not a perfect person. I know I did things that I regret now. I know realizing my faults will make me a better person. I do hope I would be able to makeup the things I failed to do before. I am so sorry for hurting my family. I am sorry for not being the person you have always wanted me to become.
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