Thursday, January 18, 2007
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Wow Philippines! Pagudpod .. my next stop
It has always been my dream to travel around the country and see how beautiful it is.
I am so blessed to be born and raised in Cebu. It is the country's number 1 tourist destination. There is so much to visit, so much to eat and so much to experience in the Queen City of the South. In the Visayas, Bohol was my first vacation stop. I was mesmerized by Bohol's simplicity and beauty. Panglao Island will never disappoint any tourist. Before I left Cebu for Manila, I had a chance to visit the university city of Dumaguete as well as the enchanting island of Siquijor.
I never had the chance to see the island of promise that we all call Mindanao. Until now, Camiguin, Siargao, Bukidnon, Dakak and Davao still continues to be a dream destination.
Manila has been considered my pseudo-home for the past 18 months. Luzon, where Manila is, is the country's biggest island and is home to various tourist destinations. My first stop here was Puerto Galera. This island is crazy, a cradle of interesting people like me. hehehe... I consider my holy week escapade in Bolinao, Pangasinan as very memorable. Subic is always a cool place to visit. Tagaytay unitl now continues to mesmerize me with its romantic atmosphere. While, batangas is also a great place to go if you wanted to escape Manila's noise and just head to the beach.
2007 welcomed me with a very sad twist but nevertheless it opened the idea of me going to another perfect dream vacation spot! Laoag City, where my dearly beloved will soon be assigned to is where the Paoay church is, It is considered one of the country's oldest and well-preserved church. South of it is the centuries old and still preserved city of Vigan. Finally, north of Laoag is the world famous Pagudpod. I am a beach addict and before i head to the spectacular beaches of the Indian ocean, Pacific ocean and the Carribean, I should first experience what my own country has to offer.
Thinking about it makes me really excited. Considering that it is our anniversary, spending it in a place such as Pagudpod would definitely make it more memorable.
Didn't I tell you they have windmills?
43 days nalang!!!!
Heritage City of Vigan
Sunshine City of Laoag
Pagudpod
I am so blessed to be born and raised in Cebu. It is the country's number 1 tourist destination. There is so much to visit, so much to eat and so much to experience in the Queen City of the South. In the Visayas, Bohol was my first vacation stop. I was mesmerized by Bohol's simplicity and beauty. Panglao Island will never disappoint any tourist. Before I left Cebu for Manila, I had a chance to visit the university city of Dumaguete as well as the enchanting island of Siquijor.
I never had the chance to see the island of promise that we all call Mindanao. Until now, Camiguin, Siargao, Bukidnon, Dakak and Davao still continues to be a dream destination.
Manila has been considered my pseudo-home for the past 18 months. Luzon, where Manila is, is the country's biggest island and is home to various tourist destinations. My first stop here was Puerto Galera. This island is crazy, a cradle of interesting people like me. hehehe... I consider my holy week escapade in Bolinao, Pangasinan as very memorable. Subic is always a cool place to visit. Tagaytay unitl now continues to mesmerize me with its romantic atmosphere. While, batangas is also a great place to go if you wanted to escape Manila's noise and just head to the beach.
2007 welcomed me with a very sad twist but nevertheless it opened the idea of me going to another perfect dream vacation spot! Laoag City, where my dearly beloved will soon be assigned to is where the Paoay church is, It is considered one of the country's oldest and well-preserved church. South of it is the centuries old and still preserved city of Vigan. Finally, north of Laoag is the world famous Pagudpod. I am a beach addict and before i head to the spectacular beaches of the Indian ocean, Pacific ocean and the Carribean, I should first experience what my own country has to offer.
Thinking about it makes me really excited. Considering that it is our anniversary, spending it in a place such as Pagudpod would definitely make it more memorable.
Didn't I tell you they have windmills?
43 days nalang!!!!
Heritage City of Vigan
Sunshine City of Laoag
Pagudpod
It is all about the bond
Ever since 2007 started,I can't help but start counting the number of days before my bond expires. I felt that I have lost so many oppurtunities just because of that useless, "I can't figure out why?", unimaginable, inhuman, selfish bond. 6 months of sleep is not a far cry.
Gym Searching
I have cancelled my Fitness First membership last December. Though I cannot rightfully tell if im officially out of the gym because I havent paid my bill last month. I consider this as a moment for me to prove that I can gain weight just by eating.
Almost two months have passed since my last gym visit, my shape is still intact. Oh, not very intact as I should correctly say it. I can feel the heaviness of my stomach nowadays. I no longer feel comfortable with my shape. I feel insecure everytime I see some officemates who are still going to the gym. I still think they look sexier than I am, even if my mind, heart and soul tells me theyre nothing compared to me. How about those guys I admire and wish that my body was as spectacular as theirs. Huhuhu, how will I ever realize such feat. I wanna look like them. naaah.
With such situation I am in right now, I realized that confidence is not a matter of how people think about you. It is about how you see yourself. Does this conclude that I am insecure, that I lack confidence and that I am so trying hard to be sexy? Ooops! That hurts, but maybe this is the truth I have always hidden inside of me.
It's 2007 and I've got so much things to accomplish for the year and the degradation of my self confidence is never a part of it. it should never be part of it.
Gym searching is fun hehehe. I thought that I could enroll at Gold's gym for 1000 because a friend might tag me along with her company benefit. But to my disappointment, I decided not to pursue this plan because this would mean she has to shell out an additional 800 pesos for her gym membership which she won't be needing. I can't seem to find any gym within the perimeters of my office and home. And so, I went to Pinoyexchange as my final refuge. Gladly, somebody suggested that a 24/7 gym will be opening somewhere Ortigas/Shaw area. Yes, its Eclipse gym. Theyre offering a 1200 per month for non-peak hours. They're opening sometime this February. Well, I cant just hide my excitement. I wanna go back to the gym! Sumemr is coming and I just can't imagine myself strutting the gym wearing a shirt hehehehe....
Almost two months have passed since my last gym visit, my shape is still intact. Oh, not very intact as I should correctly say it. I can feel the heaviness of my stomach nowadays. I no longer feel comfortable with my shape. I feel insecure everytime I see some officemates who are still going to the gym. I still think they look sexier than I am, even if my mind, heart and soul tells me theyre nothing compared to me. How about those guys I admire and wish that my body was as spectacular as theirs. Huhuhu, how will I ever realize such feat. I wanna look like them. naaah.
With such situation I am in right now, I realized that confidence is not a matter of how people think about you. It is about how you see yourself. Does this conclude that I am insecure, that I lack confidence and that I am so trying hard to be sexy? Ooops! That hurts, but maybe this is the truth I have always hidden inside of me.
It's 2007 and I've got so much things to accomplish for the year and the degradation of my self confidence is never a part of it. it should never be part of it.
Gym searching is fun hehehe. I thought that I could enroll at Gold's gym for 1000 because a friend might tag me along with her company benefit. But to my disappointment, I decided not to pursue this plan because this would mean she has to shell out an additional 800 pesos for her gym membership which she won't be needing. I can't seem to find any gym within the perimeters of my office and home. And so, I went to Pinoyexchange as my final refuge. Gladly, somebody suggested that a 24/7 gym will be opening somewhere Ortigas/Shaw area. Yes, its Eclipse gym. Theyre offering a 1200 per month for non-peak hours. They're opening sometime this February. Well, I cant just hide my excitement. I wanna go back to the gym! Sumemr is coming and I just can't imagine myself strutting the gym wearing a shirt hehehehe....
Sunday, January 07, 2007
The Queen City Experience
I'm still waiting for some pics to come but I cant help but blog our experience before i forget them hehehhe
More pics at johnmaunes.multiply.com
Dec 20 - NEC friends reunion
Dec 21 - Schi-hi X-mas Party at Thomas' place
Dec 22 and 23 - Party at Kasadja
Dec 24 and 25 - XMAS!!!!
Dec 26 and 27 - SANREM
Dec 28 - City Tour
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Dec 29 - Uli na
More pics at johnmaunes.multiply.com
Dec 20 - NEC friends reunion
Dec 21 - Schi-hi X-mas Party at Thomas' place
Dec 22 and 23 - Party at Kasadja
Dec 24 and 25 - XMAS!!!!
Dec 26 and 27 - SANREM
Dec 28 - City Tour
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Dec 29 - Uli na
Coping up
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January 3, 2007 - Wednesday
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After getting up for work, I kissed him goodbye and he told me he has headache. So before I left i gave him a head massage and left for work.
Between 5 - 6pm, I got a call from him telling me of a news. In a sobbing voice, he said he was reassigned to Ilocos. This was one of the most silent moments I had, I felt my head squeezing and my heart stop beating. I was in disbelief.
I wanted to cry. I wanted to shout. What a great way to start my year. It was my fist working day for 2007 but I cant help it, I cant focus. I cant work.
We kept calling each other, exchanging sorrows, what ifs, "I'll miss you's", "I love you's", "don't leaves me's". Till I cant help it, 8pm I went home.
Before I got a jeep for our place, I visited EDSA shrine to tell God, why he did this to us. This wasn't the expected answer I asked from him. I asked him of other things. I just can't understand why he gave us this. I was so uncomposed, so sad and disturbed.
When I got home, he wasn't at home yet. The sadness, emptiness and loneliness struck me. I missed him so much. When he got home, he was crying and then both of us were.
We recalled the first moment we saw each other. The things we've been through. The fights we had and how we solved it. We recalled our vacations, our monthsaries, the appliances we bought for the house, how we made the house look the way it is right now. We remembered each story that was created from every corner and thing in the house. We viewed the video he created for me for our anniversary and we scanned though the slumbook i gave him for his bday. He promised that when he leaves he will give me his pendant, the very pendant his mom gave him, a pendat that is so close to him. He will keep his chain, teh chain i gave him for his bday. Through this I'll have a part of him and He'll have a part of me. We promsied that every time we meet, we are gonna reunite this pieces together. It was painful to recall those moments but it made us realized that indeed we were so much in love with each other. We spent the night crying, giving promises.
It is during these trying times when we value every bit of memory and importance a person has to us.
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January 4, 2007 - Thursday
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Since he was leaving for Ilocos this weekend, I decided if at least he would see his friends to say goodbye. So i texted Vans and asked her if we could drop by. Thursday night before going to Van's place, we passed by Sto. Domingo church. He showed me a video he created for me, a video containing our pictures and some romantic messages for me. While watching the video, I cried, he cried, we both cried. After the video was shown, he held my hand and asked me if I will marry him. I laughed. He said that in this very symbolic place, he promised to love me and asked me to marry him, he may not have a ring but he said his intentions were true. I asked him how is it possible. He said it doesnt matter if its impossible now, what is improtant is that I love him ,he loves me, we love each other and that someday, when everythings ok we will go out of the country and marry. Definitely, I said yes hahahah....
While at Van's place, the idea of going to Ilocos popped out. That made me happy. Thinking that I could be with him for our anniv. This lightened the heavy load in my heart.
It was so painful to help him pack his clothes. The room started to look empty. Seeing our cabinet with only my clothes on was so depressing. We can't help it.
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January 5, 2007 - Friday
------------------
After getting up, I really wanted to be absent at work, i wanted to spend the day with him. Knowing that he will be leaving tomorrow, I wanted to break the rules for the person I love. Before leaving the house for work, he called his manager and asked if he could get an extension for he has to finish some documents for turn over. Gladly, his manager agreed. haaay.....BTW, Cecille is comign with us for Laoag
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January 6, 2007 - Saturday
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Since J--- is going to Bulacan for his family reunion, I went to work for OT. There I discovered that Cebu Pacific is having a 99 pesos sale for all domestic destinations from February 1 - March 31. Hehehehe matutuloy na nga ung anniv namin dun.
January 3, 2007 - Wednesday
------------------
After getting up for work, I kissed him goodbye and he told me he has headache. So before I left i gave him a head massage and left for work.
Between 5 - 6pm, I got a call from him telling me of a news. In a sobbing voice, he said he was reassigned to Ilocos. This was one of the most silent moments I had, I felt my head squeezing and my heart stop beating. I was in disbelief.
I wanted to cry. I wanted to shout. What a great way to start my year. It was my fist working day for 2007 but I cant help it, I cant focus. I cant work.
We kept calling each other, exchanging sorrows, what ifs, "I'll miss you's", "I love you's", "don't leaves me's". Till I cant help it, 8pm I went home.
Before I got a jeep for our place, I visited EDSA shrine to tell God, why he did this to us. This wasn't the expected answer I asked from him. I asked him of other things. I just can't understand why he gave us this. I was so uncomposed, so sad and disturbed.
When I got home, he wasn't at home yet. The sadness, emptiness and loneliness struck me. I missed him so much. When he got home, he was crying and then both of us were.
We recalled the first moment we saw each other. The things we've been through. The fights we had and how we solved it. We recalled our vacations, our monthsaries, the appliances we bought for the house, how we made the house look the way it is right now. We remembered each story that was created from every corner and thing in the house. We viewed the video he created for me for our anniversary and we scanned though the slumbook i gave him for his bday. He promised that when he leaves he will give me his pendant, the very pendant his mom gave him, a pendat that is so close to him. He will keep his chain, teh chain i gave him for his bday. Through this I'll have a part of him and He'll have a part of me. We promsied that every time we meet, we are gonna reunite this pieces together. It was painful to recall those moments but it made us realized that indeed we were so much in love with each other. We spent the night crying, giving promises.
It is during these trying times when we value every bit of memory and importance a person has to us.
------------------
January 4, 2007 - Thursday
------------------
Since he was leaving for Ilocos this weekend, I decided if at least he would see his friends to say goodbye. So i texted Vans and asked her if we could drop by. Thursday night before going to Van's place, we passed by Sto. Domingo church. He showed me a video he created for me, a video containing our pictures and some romantic messages for me. While watching the video, I cried, he cried, we both cried. After the video was shown, he held my hand and asked me if I will marry him. I laughed. He said that in this very symbolic place, he promised to love me and asked me to marry him, he may not have a ring but he said his intentions were true. I asked him how is it possible. He said it doesnt matter if its impossible now, what is improtant is that I love him ,he loves me, we love each other and that someday, when everythings ok we will go out of the country and marry. Definitely, I said yes hahahah....
While at Van's place, the idea of going to Ilocos popped out. That made me happy. Thinking that I could be with him for our anniv. This lightened the heavy load in my heart.
It was so painful to help him pack his clothes. The room started to look empty. Seeing our cabinet with only my clothes on was so depressing. We can't help it.
------------------
January 5, 2007 - Friday
------------------
After getting up, I really wanted to be absent at work, i wanted to spend the day with him. Knowing that he will be leaving tomorrow, I wanted to break the rules for the person I love. Before leaving the house for work, he called his manager and asked if he could get an extension for he has to finish some documents for turn over. Gladly, his manager agreed. haaay.....BTW, Cecille is comign with us for Laoag
------------------
January 6, 2007 - Saturday
------------------
Since J--- is going to Bulacan for his family reunion, I went to work for OT. There I discovered that Cebu Pacific is having a 99 pesos sale for all domestic destinations from February 1 - March 31. Hehehehe matutuloy na nga ung anniv namin dun.
Friday, January 05, 2007
sad new year
ill talk about our recent cebu xmas trip after all the pictures have been collated. for now, ladies and gentlemen, im very sad to announce that my new year isn't that good.
last wednesday, the day that we both fear came.
his boss called him and announced that he'll be assigned in laoag city, ilocos norte! FUCK! para akong tinapunan ng comet ni goddess Venus!
what a great way to start the year ... will update you soon regarding the recent happenings sa disastrous moment sa amo life. haaay LORD.. WHY GOD WHY
last wednesday, the day that we both fear came.
his boss called him and announced that he'll be assigned in laoag city, ilocos norte! FUCK! para akong tinapunan ng comet ni goddess Venus!
what a great way to start the year ... will update you soon regarding the recent happenings sa disastrous moment sa amo life. haaay LORD.. WHY GOD WHY
Monday, December 11, 2006
On My Own
Move over Go The Distance and When You Believe. I officially declare this as my official inspirational song. Thanks to the first Philippine idol.
I'm wiser now
I'm not the foolish girl you used to know
So long ago
I'm stronger now
I've learned from my mistakes which way to go
And I should know
I put myself aside to do it your way
But now I need to do it all alone
And I am not afraid to try it on my own
I don't care if I'm right or wrong
I'll live my life the way I feel
No matter what I'll keep it real you know
Time for me to do it on my own
Yeah yeah, mmm, yeah yeah
It's over now
I can't go back to living through your eyes
Too many lines
And if you don't know by now
I can't go back to being someone else
Not anymore
I never had a chance to do things my way
So now it's time for me to take control
And I am not afraid to try it on my own
I don't care if I'm right or wrong
I'll live my life the way I feel
No matter what I'm gonna keep it real you know
Time for me to do it
Oh I start again go back to one
I'm running things in my way
Can't stop me now, I've just begun
Don't even think about it
There ain't no way about it
I'm taking names, the ones of mine
Yes I'm gonna take my turn
It's time for me to finally stand alone, stand alone
I am not afraid to try it on my own
And I don't care if I'm right or wrong
I'll live my life the way I feel
No matter what I'm gonna keep it real you know
It's time for me to do it
See I'm not afraid
I'm wiser now
I'm not the foolish girl you used to know
So long ago
I'm stronger now
I've learned from my mistakes which way to go
And I should know
I put myself aside to do it your way
But now I need to do it all alone
And I am not afraid to try it on my own
I don't care if I'm right or wrong
I'll live my life the way I feel
No matter what I'll keep it real you know
Time for me to do it on my own
Yeah yeah, mmm, yeah yeah
It's over now
I can't go back to living through your eyes
Too many lines
And if you don't know by now
I can't go back to being someone else
Not anymore
I never had a chance to do things my way
So now it's time for me to take control
And I am not afraid to try it on my own
I don't care if I'm right or wrong
I'll live my life the way I feel
No matter what I'm gonna keep it real you know
Time for me to do it
Oh I start again go back to one
I'm running things in my way
Can't stop me now, I've just begun
Don't even think about it
There ain't no way about it
I'm taking names, the ones of mine
Yes I'm gonna take my turn
It's time for me to finally stand alone, stand alone
I am not afraid to try it on my own
And I don't care if I'm right or wrong
I'll live my life the way I feel
No matter what I'm gonna keep it real you know
It's time for me to do it
See I'm not afraid
Monday, November 27, 2006
"You And Me"
I first heard this song while watching Smallville, accidentally it was its American premier. Two nights ago while watching the season finale of 4400, this song was again played. The last time i heard of this song was last year, just right before I resigned. I so lvoe this song that everytime I hear it, I always feel so in love and so loved.
"You And Me"
What day is it? And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time
Cause it's you and me and all other people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
All of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words
You've got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here
Cause it's you and me and all other people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
There's something about you now
I can't quite figure out
Everything she does is beautiful
Everything she does is right
Cause it's you and me and all other people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
and me and all other people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
What day is it?
And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive
"You And Me"
What day is it? And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time
Cause it's you and me and all other people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
All of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words
You've got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here
Cause it's you and me and all other people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
There's something about you now
I can't quite figure out
Everything she does is beautiful
Everything she does is right
Cause it's you and me and all other people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
and me and all other people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
What day is it?
And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Can't Sleep .. Insomnia?
I have been deprived of getting a straight 8 hours sleep lately. I dont know what this is..insomnia perhaps? Or a sleeping pattern disorder? whatever! Why cant I sleep before 3am? Why is it that I only get sleepy when the clock ticks 3am? Do i have a disease? Or am i developing this so called of an evolution into something? What am I? A 4400? a mutant? Will I be developing an ability?(Oh my God, effect na siguro to ng kakanood ko ng Lost, Desperate Housewives, Supernatural and 4400). Why is it that sometimes I tend to act OC?(Bree?). Gusto kong magkaroon ng powers! Parang Pyro or some precognitive o telekinetic or life-absorbing ability perhaps? Ano ba? My post is not making any sense.....
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Im coming home
As an additional gift for my birthday, aside from treating me for a very happy and memorable vacation down south of Manila, J--- bought me a round trip ticket to Cebu.
By December 20, I'll be home. I'm really excited about this. I have been wanting to see Cebu. I missed the people so much. I missed the food(barbecue, lechon, chicharon). I missed the places I used to hang out and visit. I missed my family and friends. He will also be pending Christmas with me in Cebu. So, that will be another great thing and something that I will be looking forward to next month. .... barely a month to go .....
By December 20, I'll be home. I'm really excited about this. I have been wanting to see Cebu. I missed the people so much. I missed the food(barbecue, lechon, chicharon). I missed the places I used to hang out and visit. I missed my family and friends. He will also be pending Christmas with me in Cebu. So, that will be another great thing and something that I will be looking forward to next month. .... barely a month to go .....
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
I'm Guilty
There are so many things bothering me lately. Things in the past that i did, they're haunting me.
I'm guilty for not respecting my father. I always thought that he was a big burden for my mother. I've always wanted to see him make the ends meet for my family. I hated him for I didn't grow up with luxuries in life that I often see in my classmates and cousins. I hated him for being so strict and too disciplinarian that everytime I hear his voice it seems to me that a lightning has just struck my ear. I hated him for not doing always the household chores when in fact he is always at home. Now I hated myself for hating him. He is a good father. All I saw in him was his negative side. I never realized not until I grew up that he did try his best to pelase us. He was an all around father. He knows how to cook. He wakes up very early every morning just to cook our food for breakfast and baon. He even bakes cakes and pastries for us. He knows how to sew. He fixes our worn clothes, he made a customized bag for us, he tailored our uniforms, he made bedsheets, seat covers and curtains for our house. He knows how to do carpentry and mechanical works. He repairs our house, made a cabinet for us and troubleshoots our broken appliances. He even made a vegetable garden so that we always have fresh vegetables for our meal. He protects us from burglars and from dangerous people. He did all he could just to pay for my graduation expenses when I was in high school and college. Just to have what we need, he even sacrificed his life for us by going abroad, suffered he terror of his Korean employer just to send us money. I am guilty because when I left for Manila, I forgot his birthday and greeted him 2 days after. He may not be the best financial provider for us but he did everything he could just to prove that he loves us. Wow! what a wonderful father my father is!
I am guilty for not loving my mother as much as she loved me. I know deep in my heart and in my mind that mama loves us so much. I am guilty and I am sad that I couldnt repay her. I hate myself for hurting her. I hate myself for not fulfilling my promise to her. I hate myself for hurting her. She was my inspiration when I was still studying. I promised her that once I get a job Ill give her the best life there is that I could. I am so sorry mama. I dont want to promise anything but as soon as things get normal. Things would be better for us.
I am guilty for competing with my siblings. We used to be a happy not until the moment I realized I was gay. I started to separate myself from my sister and brother because I was afraid that they might not respect me. I hated it when my brother borrows thigns from me. I used to shout at him for doing it. I hated helping them with their studies. I laugh at their mistakes, for me it was success. I was afraid that they might surpass my academic achievements for I knew that they're more mentally capable than I am, its just that I was the more diligent son. I thought that if they excel, nothing will be left of me. Theyre more talented and more physically gifted. I was the ugly son. The boring son. Now that we are older, things got better for them. If only I helped them before, they could have achieved more. I miss my siblings. If only I was a better brother.
I am guilty for not spending too much time with my grandmother. My grandmother made me a good person. Because of her, I excelled in school. She taught me everything to prepare me for grade school. She taught me good values. During her last years, I felt tired takign good care of her. Everytime she calls for my attention when she needed something or when she wants to spend time with me, I normally run just to avoid her. I hated myself for doing it. I miss lola so much. I love her so much. She doesnt deserve it.
I am guilty for not paying too much attention to my father's family because they are poor. I spent much of my growing years with my mothers family. I know all of them. Too bad I only know a handful of my father's family. I thought they were misguided. Maybe it was my father's fault for not letting us spend time with them. It could have made a difference. I always compare them with my cousins from my mother's side. I never realized that they are still part of the big family I am. I am who they are. We belong to the same family. I was blessed for being given a good childhood with good education and right upbringing. I could have shared to them the great things I had.
I am not a perfect person. I know I did things that I regret now. I know realizing my faults will make me a better person. I do hope I would be able to makeup the things I failed to do before. I am so sorry for hurting my family. I am sorry for not being the person you have always wanted me to become.
I'm guilty for not respecting my father. I always thought that he was a big burden for my mother. I've always wanted to see him make the ends meet for my family. I hated him for I didn't grow up with luxuries in life that I often see in my classmates and cousins. I hated him for being so strict and too disciplinarian that everytime I hear his voice it seems to me that a lightning has just struck my ear. I hated him for not doing always the household chores when in fact he is always at home. Now I hated myself for hating him. He is a good father. All I saw in him was his negative side. I never realized not until I grew up that he did try his best to pelase us. He was an all around father. He knows how to cook. He wakes up very early every morning just to cook our food for breakfast and baon. He even bakes cakes and pastries for us. He knows how to sew. He fixes our worn clothes, he made a customized bag for us, he tailored our uniforms, he made bedsheets, seat covers and curtains for our house. He knows how to do carpentry and mechanical works. He repairs our house, made a cabinet for us and troubleshoots our broken appliances. He even made a vegetable garden so that we always have fresh vegetables for our meal. He protects us from burglars and from dangerous people. He did all he could just to pay for my graduation expenses when I was in high school and college. Just to have what we need, he even sacrificed his life for us by going abroad, suffered he terror of his Korean employer just to send us money. I am guilty because when I left for Manila, I forgot his birthday and greeted him 2 days after. He may not be the best financial provider for us but he did everything he could just to prove that he loves us. Wow! what a wonderful father my father is!
I am guilty for not loving my mother as much as she loved me. I know deep in my heart and in my mind that mama loves us so much. I am guilty and I am sad that I couldnt repay her. I hate myself for hurting her. I hate myself for not fulfilling my promise to her. I hate myself for hurting her. She was my inspiration when I was still studying. I promised her that once I get a job Ill give her the best life there is that I could. I am so sorry mama. I dont want to promise anything but as soon as things get normal. Things would be better for us.
I am guilty for competing with my siblings. We used to be a happy not until the moment I realized I was gay. I started to separate myself from my sister and brother because I was afraid that they might not respect me. I hated it when my brother borrows thigns from me. I used to shout at him for doing it. I hated helping them with their studies. I laugh at their mistakes, for me it was success. I was afraid that they might surpass my academic achievements for I knew that they're more mentally capable than I am, its just that I was the more diligent son. I thought that if they excel, nothing will be left of me. Theyre more talented and more physically gifted. I was the ugly son. The boring son. Now that we are older, things got better for them. If only I helped them before, they could have achieved more. I miss my siblings. If only I was a better brother.
I am guilty for not spending too much time with my grandmother. My grandmother made me a good person. Because of her, I excelled in school. She taught me everything to prepare me for grade school. She taught me good values. During her last years, I felt tired takign good care of her. Everytime she calls for my attention when she needed something or when she wants to spend time with me, I normally run just to avoid her. I hated myself for doing it. I miss lola so much. I love her so much. She doesnt deserve it.
I am guilty for not paying too much attention to my father's family because they are poor. I spent much of my growing years with my mothers family. I know all of them. Too bad I only know a handful of my father's family. I thought they were misguided. Maybe it was my father's fault for not letting us spend time with them. It could have made a difference. I always compare them with my cousins from my mother's side. I never realized that they are still part of the big family I am. I am who they are. We belong to the same family. I was blessed for being given a good childhood with good education and right upbringing. I could have shared to them the great things I had.
I am not a perfect person. I know I did things that I regret now. I know realizing my faults will make me a better person. I do hope I would be able to makeup the things I failed to do before. I am so sorry for hurting my family. I am sorry for not being the person you have always wanted me to become.
Friday, October 27, 2006
Modelling na naman
I have always admitted that I am a feeling model. It has always been my dream since puberty to be a model. Muntik na ako maloko ni Rick Rendall na nabisto sa Imbestigador kasi nanloloko siya ng male model wannabe. Thanks to georgia and monette di ako nakasama, shet narape na sana ako ng matabang jokla na yun.
Putang inang friendster na yan, bakit ba yang agents na yan sa friendster lng ako nakikita, bakit di nila ako makita sa daan. Siguro di nga talaga ako pangmodel hanggang picture lng ako talaga kaya friendster lng sila. Shet, sayang ung Giordano na audition at ang Reco models na vtr(last week nagmsg sa akin sa friendster ung agent nila). Kakahiya, they might like me sa pics ko pero im definitely sure they wont like me when they see me in person. Shet talaga!
In the first place, why would an agent get models thru friendster? diba mali? Things arent just meant to be. Kaya wag pilitin.
=)
Putang inang friendster na yan, bakit ba yang agents na yan sa friendster lng ako nakikita, bakit di nila ako makita sa daan. Siguro di nga talaga ako pangmodel hanggang picture lng ako talaga kaya friendster lng sila. Shet, sayang ung Giordano na audition at ang Reco models na vtr(last week nagmsg sa akin sa friendster ung agent nila). Kakahiya, they might like me sa pics ko pero im definitely sure they wont like me when they see me in person. Shet talaga!
In the first place, why would an agent get models thru friendster? diba mali? Things arent just meant to be. Kaya wag pilitin.
=)
Blame hell
Last thursday i really felt so bad, because i felt that my team lead here in hp is blaming me for all my projects issues. It was one of the lowest points of my career as a software engineer. And one of the worst pre-birthday gifts i received. Last monday he gave the team chocolates and in a way he looks kinder. i know its not his fault, he is not really like that, maybe he just did it because of pressure from our client. Or maybe i was just overreacting. In a way, it also is an eye opener for me. I better check on what i have and what needs to be done.
I thought I could escape from this, coz akala ko till October nalang ako dito. Pero there might be changes, shet ..if ever Ill be using the whoeel month of November to redeem myself and prove them all wrong.
I thought I could escape from this, coz akala ko till October nalang ako dito. Pero there might be changes, shet ..if ever Ill be using the whoeel month of November to redeem myself and prove them all wrong.
Happy Birthday To Me
This is an overdue and delayed post, drafted liek a month ago. So i decided to just post it, I cant wait for the pics to be published dugay kau ko tagaan sa copy....
Since its Abby's birthday last October 24 and mine was last October 21, she and J--- decided to have it celebrated together at Tagaytay.
The whole weekend was so memorable and fun. It was my first tim to go to Tagaytay, the beach we stayed in Nasugbu was also ok and i love Caleruega.
This is one of the best birthdays I ever had, amidst all the things i have been thinking bout my life, its so good to see and feel that there is somebody who will do something really great for you to be happy. Thanks J---.
Since its Abby's birthday last October 24 and mine was last October 21, she and J--- decided to have it celebrated together at Tagaytay.
The whole weekend was so memorable and fun. It was my first tim to go to Tagaytay, the beach we stayed in Nasugbu was also ok and i love Caleruega.
This is one of the best birthdays I ever had, amidst all the things i have been thinking bout my life, its so good to see and feel that there is somebody who will do something really great for you to be happy. Thanks J---.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
New Friendster Pics
kung si ria naay inigat igat na pictures ako pud di palupig! Though i promised to post only decent pics at friendster, j-- cant help but take new pics of me na sexy. We just want to try if i still have the aura i used to have before at friendster.
My normal pics only gave me an average of 4.5 hits a day, nwo with these new pics shet i got 39 hits in only 3 days ..atay..mo matter d i na? well mao bya na ang purpose sa pic nako karon..well...
My normal pics only gave me an average of 4.5 hits a day, nwo with these new pics shet i got 39 hits in only 3 days ..atay..mo matter d i na? well mao bya na ang purpose sa pic nako karon..well...
Bored ko!
Bored ko! after weeks of having sleepless night ... given a week of working regulary..naanad ko na mumata ug ten hehehe late ko pirmi everyday ... shet deadline na d i nako sa Friday ...i missed this feeling na ur waiting for your off to come, pero narealize nako na kapoi d i siya nabore nako nahan ko daghan work ..paet
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Milenyo, production release and us
I woke up with very strong winds hitting our door and windows.
I woke up seeing rain water flow through our walls and into our floor.
I woke up with heavy winds.
I woke up seeign disaster.
This was what i saw yesterday.
It was typhoon Milenyo making its rage felt over metro manila.
A friend texted me that theres no work but if our project requires us to report in the office weve got no choice but to go to the office.
Shet, production release pa naman namin, may bug pa daw according to Tina.
Shet talaga! kusug kau ang ulan! Mas kusog pa ang hangin.
So unsay pasabot? makigkompetensya ko ni Milenya sa dalan?
Muiway sa mga sin ug mga dahon na naglupad lupad labi na sa baha ug sa mga billboards og kahoy nga nangatumba?
Walay kuryente, so pasabot dili kaluto!
Kay dili man kaluto , walay pagkaon..
Gigutom nako, wala ko mahimo, ang ang man ug mugawas ko
para mupalit ug pagkaon..nya muluto ko? asa nako iluto? asa kog init?
so unsay resulta? GUTOM!
Haay kalami sa among monthsary ni J---, naa mi sa balay, di kagawas, di kakaon...
Unsay among buhaton sa katugnaw sa panahon? sa kagutom? ug sa kamingaw sa panahon....
1) Manlimpyo sa tubig na nisulod sa balay
2) Matulog
3) Maghaircolor hehehehehe
Pero gutom na kaayo mi..di na nako maagwanta...
Pero unsaon man ni nako? What if mutawag si Juric or Tina na paadtuon ko sa office?
Pero buotan japon ang Ginoo! wala diay koy bug nya ugma na daw ang release ..
Haay nahuwasan ko geng!
So di na japon nako maagwanta akong kagutom..di makatabang and chocolates na gihatag ni Claire ug ang cereals and chocolates na amo gipaklit sa Subic..Dili makatanang ang tubig ug magic flakes nga akong gipalamanam ug peanut butter ni Claire ug mayonnaise..Di na ni mahimo kinahanglan na jud mi mugawas
May gani sa taknang alas kwatro, nihunong ang ulan ug hangin..
nagilis na mi kay mag gym mi....
As if abli pa ang gym..pero gutom na kau ko as in
so nanawag mig mgaamigo! paet walay signal
may gani naay globe og smart si j---
nanlakaw mi padung ila vans iya miga..
kataw ana kau ang auto niya kay punog dahun,
kahinumdom ko sa flaot sa Sinulog na puros ferns hahahah
Ni agi mig mall - sarado, ni agi mig jollibee og fastfood - sarado,
Ni agi mig gas station - sarado..
unsay naa? baha! billboards nga naguba! poste ug kahoy na natumba! tawo nag nastranded!
Paet paet paet! gutom na kaayo ko!
May gani naay pagkaon si Vans, ug didto nangaon mi...
Kabantay mo? bisdak kaayo ko ahahhah!!!!
haay English na pd..
And so vans asked us if we could accompany her to the airport to fetch her brother...
And so we went there with tara. It was like for of us going to NAIA.
HUWAAAT!!! On our way to NAIA there I saw the effect of Milenyo's wrath!
Manila was in total wreck!
Pero balik napud kog Tagalog..kapoi ininglis
Pero it was fine naman, when we got home, we had a sumptuous meal..as in seafoods.sarap kumain with sukang pinakurat as in makuratan ka sa kalami.
tapos nun, uminom kami, tinagay ko black label with sprite si j--- naman amarula
tapos kwentuhan kwentuhan about lovelife, then uwi na kasi work pa
haay that was how we spent our monthsary. it was fun, first tym we spent it together the whole day... after 7 months love n love ko pa rin siya as in! matamaan man ako ng kidlat pero totoo to!
I woke up seeing rain water flow through our walls and into our floor.
I woke up with heavy winds.
I woke up seeign disaster.
This was what i saw yesterday.
It was typhoon Milenyo making its rage felt over metro manila.
A friend texted me that theres no work but if our project requires us to report in the office weve got no choice but to go to the office.
Shet, production release pa naman namin, may bug pa daw according to Tina.
Shet talaga! kusug kau ang ulan! Mas kusog pa ang hangin.
So unsay pasabot? makigkompetensya ko ni Milenya sa dalan?
Muiway sa mga sin ug mga dahon na naglupad lupad labi na sa baha ug sa mga billboards og kahoy nga nangatumba?
Walay kuryente, so pasabot dili kaluto!
Kay dili man kaluto , walay pagkaon..
Gigutom nako, wala ko mahimo, ang ang man ug mugawas ko
para mupalit ug pagkaon..nya muluto ko? asa nako iluto? asa kog init?
so unsay resulta? GUTOM!
Haay kalami sa among monthsary ni J---, naa mi sa balay, di kagawas, di kakaon...
Unsay among buhaton sa katugnaw sa panahon? sa kagutom? ug sa kamingaw sa panahon....
1) Manlimpyo sa tubig na nisulod sa balay
2) Matulog
3) Maghaircolor hehehehehe
Pero gutom na kaayo mi..di na nako maagwanta...
Pero unsaon man ni nako? What if mutawag si Juric or Tina na paadtuon ko sa office?
Pero buotan japon ang Ginoo! wala diay koy bug nya ugma na daw ang release ..
Haay nahuwasan ko geng!
So di na japon nako maagwanta akong kagutom..di makatabang and chocolates na gihatag ni Claire ug ang cereals and chocolates na amo gipaklit sa Subic..Dili makatanang ang tubig ug magic flakes nga akong gipalamanam ug peanut butter ni Claire ug mayonnaise..Di na ni mahimo kinahanglan na jud mi mugawas
May gani sa taknang alas kwatro, nihunong ang ulan ug hangin..
nagilis na mi kay mag gym mi....
As if abli pa ang gym..pero gutom na kau ko as in
so nanawag mig mgaamigo! paet walay signal
may gani naay globe og smart si j---
nanlakaw mi padung ila vans iya miga..
kataw ana kau ang auto niya kay punog dahun,
kahinumdom ko sa flaot sa Sinulog na puros ferns hahahah
Ni agi mig mall - sarado, ni agi mig jollibee og fastfood - sarado,
Ni agi mig gas station - sarado..
unsay naa? baha! billboards nga naguba! poste ug kahoy na natumba! tawo nag nastranded!
Paet paet paet! gutom na kaayo ko!
May gani naay pagkaon si Vans, ug didto nangaon mi...
Kabantay mo? bisdak kaayo ko ahahhah!!!!
haay English na pd..
And so vans asked us if we could accompany her to the airport to fetch her brother...
And so we went there with tara. It was like for of us going to NAIA.
HUWAAAT!!! On our way to NAIA there I saw the effect of Milenyo's wrath!
Manila was in total wreck!
Pero balik napud kog Tagalog..kapoi ininglis
Pero it was fine naman, when we got home, we had a sumptuous meal..as in seafoods.sarap kumain with sukang pinakurat as in makuratan ka sa kalami.
tapos nun, uminom kami, tinagay ko black label with sprite si j--- naman amarula
tapos kwentuhan kwentuhan about lovelife, then uwi na kasi work pa
haay that was how we spent our monthsary. it was fun, first tym we spent it together the whole day... after 7 months love n love ko pa rin siya as in! matamaan man ako ng kidlat pero totoo to!
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
September 21, 2006
Its exactly a month before my birthday ..yeah yeah yeah ... well im not excited, my birthday has never been a big event for me, well at least it used to when i turned 1, but hey i couldnt even remember who my visitors were .. well thanks to the betamax that my mom kept in memory of that special day....well well i knew i had lots of guests that even our neighborhood favorite postman manoy tasyo was there and all those relatives and neighbors and my mom's officemates and charismatic mates(is this what we call them or better we call them brothers and sisters in Christ) all laughing everytime i walk(i used to walk like my father) .. hehehe..well thanks to rondinas(our family's former official videographer ..diba sosyal ko naa koy video coverage pag 1 year old nako hehehehe ...
now fastforward 23 years after ....
ill be turning 24(shit 24 ...), 1 year and 2 months in manila .... haaay ..
dami na nagyari sa buhay ko ..daghan na nahitabo sa ako kinabuhi ... a lot of things happened to me since i came here( karememebr ko ni fr bonaventure valles of the oasis of love in ana siya mag homily, trilingual iya iinterpret iya sentence in 3 languages)
well im so thankful kay Lord for everything and for being there for me everytime im in danger ( danger? ) whatever .. basta thank you Lord)
my last years birthday was great but it was still sad, i went to st francis church to hear mass pero naclosan ko ug simbahan, sa gawas sa church in its darkness i prayed and i cried. i felt so sad..that was the first time i celebrated it without my family. that was when i missed them so much..imagine hulaton pa nako sila maabot ako friends like for 2 hours kay 9 pa daw sila maabot ..haaay pero at least when they all came lingaw na ko ..they were all present ..
pero seeing the pics..shet nangahurot na d i mi .. most of them left na ( si ria, ken, julius, arlene and soon si claire) ..haaay
1 year and 2 months in manila
- 3 addresses ( sa condo ni georgia, sa house ni ken and now sa san juan , wala pa apil ang wack wack ug valle verde ,....hala isingit jud)
- 1 company ( 77 aka cyberj ) plus 1 subcompany (hp)
- places i visited ( galera, cavite, subic, pangasinan )
- people i met .. well sobra kadaghan hehehe
- people i loved .. well erase them all, isa lng ako gi love si j---
- people i hated .. hmmmmmm
- places i still want to visit ( tagaytay, batangas, clark, SAGADA, PAGUDPOD, CARAMOAN)
- things i want to have ... exactly wala i really don't care, not that materialistic (PAK!..PANG!... PANG!... PANG!)
- things i wanna let go off ... pimples..scars.. i just want to be stunning and sexy
- books ive read.. the zahir, 5 people you meet in heaven, 11 minutes, he is not that into you
haaaay ..kakapoi sa life pero indeed it is really exciting...1 lesson learned, you just cant get everything you want there are always ifs and buts
now fastforward 23 years after ....
ill be turning 24(shit 24 ...), 1 year and 2 months in manila .... haaay ..
dami na nagyari sa buhay ko ..daghan na nahitabo sa ako kinabuhi ... a lot of things happened to me since i came here( karememebr ko ni fr bonaventure valles of the oasis of love in ana siya mag homily, trilingual iya iinterpret iya sentence in 3 languages)
well im so thankful kay Lord for everything and for being there for me everytime im in danger ( danger? ) whatever .. basta thank you Lord)
my last years birthday was great but it was still sad, i went to st francis church to hear mass pero naclosan ko ug simbahan, sa gawas sa church in its darkness i prayed and i cried. i felt so sad..that was the first time i celebrated it without my family. that was when i missed them so much..imagine hulaton pa nako sila maabot ako friends like for 2 hours kay 9 pa daw sila maabot ..haaay pero at least when they all came lingaw na ko ..they were all present ..
pero seeing the pics..shet nangahurot na d i mi .. most of them left na ( si ria, ken, julius, arlene and soon si claire) ..haaay
1 year and 2 months in manila
- 3 addresses ( sa condo ni georgia, sa house ni ken and now sa san juan , wala pa apil ang wack wack ug valle verde ,....hala isingit jud)
- 1 company ( 77 aka cyberj ) plus 1 subcompany (hp)
- places i visited ( galera, cavite, subic, pangasinan )
- people i met .. well sobra kadaghan hehehe
- people i loved .. well erase them all, isa lng ako gi love si j---
- people i hated .. hmmmmmm
- places i still want to visit ( tagaytay, batangas, clark, SAGADA, PAGUDPOD, CARAMOAN)
- things i want to have ... exactly wala i really don't care, not that materialistic (PAK!..PANG!... PANG!... PANG!)
- things i wanna let go off ... pimples..scars.. i just want to be stunning and sexy
- books ive read.. the zahir, 5 people you meet in heaven, 11 minutes, he is not that into you
haaaay ..kakapoi sa life pero indeed it is really exciting...1 lesson learned, you just cant get everything you want there are always ifs and buts
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