What Ifs

Maaga ako pumasok sa office because i have to finish a document and have it submitted by 11am. I was so sleepy when i got in but i have no choice but to start working, the clock ticks so fast.

Its Teddy's birthday today, so i also thought of sending him a message sa YM,

"Happy Birthday! I wish that you will be the happiest person on your birthday. I hope God will give you everything that you have been asking for. God Bless! Im just here for you"

When i sent him the message, he was still offlyn sa YM baka siguro nagbirthday leave. So i continued with my work, kasi nga diba kailangan ko matapos to by 11am.

So un, not until i saw his status as onlyn. Aba nagonlyn? Most likely he is just at home.checking his messages, sana magreply siya, i told myself. Kaso nag offlyn na siya, i didnt receive a reply, ang taray nito!

What ifs...

I asked my officemate this question, "Do i have to do something, now that it is his birthday?" sabi niya, "wala, its enough that you greeted him, at least you remembered" ...

Then i thought, what if kami pa ngayon? Ano kaya gift ko sa kanya? Where kaya kami pupunta? Mapapasaya ko kaya siya sa birthday niya? What if birthday ko na, may gift kaya siya sa akin? Maaalala kaya niya birthday ko? Lalabas kaya kami? Mapapasaya kaya niya ako?

Now that it is his birthday, Sino kaya kasama niya? May gift kaya siyang matatangap? Is he happy? Ano kaya wish niya? Ano ginagawa niya?

Haay, siguro i still like him, why am I asking these questions? No matter how hard i try to hate him or entertain other guys or try to flirt with other guys just to forget him, when the sun sets, siya pa rin iniisip ko makasama... I cant just brush him off my thoughts... Even if i try to sarcastically answer his questions sa YM or tell blatantly all my stupid lies that i dated other guys na, whats inside my thoughts is the longing for him, the questions why it happened, what went wrong.. what i could have done to be better or he could have done for the relationship to be better.....


Sayang nga lang, it didnt work out.. maybe i just have to continue with my moving on process and try to forget him and start taking him as a friend....He may not really be the ONE for me ....

Its hard to close the book when you still want to reread some of its chapters, when you cant find any new interesting book to read. Or maybe you just have to sit down somewhere and ponder on what you have learned from the book you have just read. Eventually, you will learn to close it...slowly...

Happiest Friday Gimik

Since single na man ko, so feel nako, dapat mo move on nako, act like what a single person should be. So i invited Ken and Julius ( Claudine and Marjorie ). It took me and Julius 2 hours to wait for Ken, atay kau ning bayota dugay kau naabot, 48 years mi ni julius ug inihap pila ka gwapo niagi sa amo atubangan sa greenbelt. Naabot mi sa taas ug ininom ug strong ice para lang muhuwat niya.

So when Ken came, we just had our dinner at chowking then we headed straight to Club Government. First time ko sana dun kaso di kami natuloy kasi ala pang tao. So we just headed to Malate. Shet, i promised myself ill never go to Malate. Pero asa nako, padung nako didto. TIming pa jud na ang taxi drivers namo kay mga bisdak! Giuwan pa jud mi ug kusog sa Malate, pero hala sige lakaw jud kay kinahanglan manlaki hahahaha!!!!

So when we got there, wala pa rin tao so what we did, we just went to Gilligan's Island, kay naa man mi free na Cerveza Negra courtesy of Julius mArketing sumthing friend from San Miguel. Luod man to na beer murag red wine, pero kevs! free bitaw so oks na, naa pa juy nagrambol sa ubos..saun nalng...

So when the it was like 12mn na. nisulod na mi balik sa Bed. shet daghan na kau tawo..gipicturan na pud k ni Doc Tony( Tag-iya sa Bed) atay ani oi, mapublish na pud balik ako ngowan sa website..atay nalang lata na kau ko ug image diri...so mao to..

Haay, wa koy naharvat..si ken daghan na kau..atay jud..gwapo man gud mni bata-a. Ang ako rapunzel na haai giputol ni delilah. upaw nako...

Now, naay naabot na laki named Ralph, type niya si Ken, kasi type man ni Ken iya friend na si Cj so wa siya choice adto siya sa first runner-up, kinsa pa man e di ako! so mao to, atay 17 yrs old pa d i from letran, unsaon, mas bata pa sa ako manghud..taas kau libido aning bataa, hubog pa jud...haay! di nako keri ....( di na nako isulti unsay nahitabo didto)

Pag 4pm, niuli nalang mi kay buntag na .....

At Last!

After 26 years of waiting, finally our country has captured its 4th Miss International crown. Congrats to Precious Lara Quigaman.

Im idle, sexy, sick, single and its Friday!

Im idle

No bugs to fix, can't proceed with my next task because the testing has to be finished first, tired of reading java certification exam tutorials

Im sexy

They said that beauty should come from within, yeah that is perfectly true. When you think you are beautiful/handsome/sexy, definitely it will exude. Now i feel so sexy, i know that it will also exude from within me..hehehehe..in short feeling lang!

Im sick

Yes, i have colds and i feel i have slight fever. Ive taken my medicine (No drowse Neozep), drank gallons of water(kept going back to the pantry for water and CR to pee)

Im single

It's hard to be sick and single.

Its Friday

It's hard to be sick and single on a weekend!

Moving on...

While waiting for Georgia, nag gym na ako..1 had an hour of cardio and abs routines...kasi pagod na masyado body ko... While in the gym, i was hoping na sana andun si G---... kaso di siya dumating..eh bat naman siya dadating diba sabi nga nya wikend lang sya sa ortigas maggigym..so no hope..i have to go na cguro kc Georgia texted na nasa Asian MAnsion na siya....

So while waiting for a shower cube to be available ... saw him entering the mens changing rum. Shet! i told my self..then nagCR siya..shit! na naman, di niya ako pinansin!..nainis ako..kaya after shower nagchange na ako then umalis... i asked myself.."Bakit di nya ako pinansin?" then....my phone vibrated

G---: Ey u at d gym? (Isn't it obvious..u just passed by me, as if di mo ako kilala!)
Me: Yep. Pauwi na rin. b goin to makati to mit my frens. ( If only pinancn mo ako kanina, di na sana ako aalis..)
G---: Oh. Okay!
G---: Dat was u nga. Shet snob! (Di noh! kainis ka, u challenging me huh?!)
Me: Kaw ung snob. Di mo ako pinancn s may showr rum. Tampo ako! huhuhu (Paano ko po kayo papansinin, eh may kausap ka, baka maissue..)
G---: U wer there!? Sana u called me! U knw naman i space out. Sayang! (Cge next tym di lang kita tatwagin..ikikiss pa kita)
Me: Cge nxt tym. Kala ko kc nakalimutan mo na ako. Txt me f gym ka d2 para i wud knw. paalis n rinkc me eh. (Haay..papacute na naman ako... isa na lang.....)

Haay..eto ba moving on ko..para yatang kahapon lng kami nag goodbye ni Ted... hehehe
Sana sya na nga..eh papano ba yan, parang he is not yet into me e...o baka sana di lang sya nagmamadali... or he is still tryin to figure it out...whatever!..basta gusto ko na siya and i have to do something.. then what? ...break my two legs? huh?...better plan things na..cant wait for the next...sana kami na before my birthday hehehe....

Answered Prayer

My past 2 weeks were tough. I left, i begged, i cried, i hoped, i tried, i did everything to get this feeling off my chest ...

Finally i prayed.....

i have thought that maybe God did this to me because i kind of forgot about him....

...then i told Him.. "Lord if he is meant for me, i hope he will fight for me, but if not, i hope he would let go of me...."

Just this morning, he left me, i didnt know what to feel, i felt happy because finally i could say im free... im sad because i'll miss him and i still have him in my heart and finally im angry.. because the guy i was supposed to meet 2 weeks ago told me he is not worth it...he invited him for sex just last week(oh shit!!!!)...he goes to malate(which he told me he doesnt), when he explained things to me, i cant help but start doubting him, if only he knew what i knew... all im thinking now is , after all, maybe he has been lying to me ... or maybe it's just that i dont know him that much...

At least God answered my prayers... now i have a new life ... new things to expect ... more time for my friends and myself ... new lessons learned ... new obstacles to tackle ... a fresh start ... a new heart and mind ... life indeed is such an exciting spectacle.....

Fool To The End

Im about to leave the office, be going again to the gym, to keep my self busy, well, this is my third post today... i just wanna exhaust all these bad feelings i have, i normally relate my life, the feelings and thoughts that i have in a particular song, right now this is the best song for me... at last i could finally sing this song not with a heavy heart but with a heart flying.....hehehe

----------------------------
Fool To The End
by Paolo Santos
----------------------------

Somewhere,
lost in the wind I'm watching you

Sunlight touching your hair
And I remember

Somehow,
we said that we would never stray
But somehow we lost our way

REFRAIN 1
Promises too often spoken
Are easily broken apart

CHORUS
And I'm ready this time
I know that I'm no longer undecided,
no no
And I don't wanna be a fool wondering
What might have been

Trace of forever lingerin'
Drawin' me closer to you
A new beginning

Now I know
There is no doubt
I understand
Just how fragile love can be

REFRAIN 2
I can't forget,
your mem'ry by me
Now I know where I belong

CHORUS
And I'm ready this time
I know that I'm no longer undecided,
oh no
And I don't wanna be a fool wondering
What might have been

Through every day into the night
We got love to guide us
And I don't wanna be a fool wondering
What might have been

BRIDGE
Let the lovin' decide I can't run,
I can't hide

AD LIB
I'm ready to go
My heart will show that...

CHORUS
I'm ready this time
I know that I'm no longer undecided
And I don't wanna be a fool wondering
What might have been

Searched everywhere,
nothing compares
Only love to guide us
And I don't wanna be a fool wondering
What might have been

CODA
I'm wondering what might have been
We're gonna find what might have been
I've got to know what might have been,
yeah Ohh hoh,
what might have been
What might have been,
yeah

He's Just Not That Into YOu!

Its monday, im bored, have so many things to do, after all that happened to me the past few weeks, i think its pretty perfect to write my first blog entry.

Manila, the Philippines grandest city. I never thought my life here would be very exciting. I cant tell my mother that the biggest reason why i transfered here is that its because i wanted to be free. I have experienced so many things here, been here for two months and yet i havent blogged any of those events, not until now. Maybe this is the best tym to write one...

Last friday, after the third time my date was again not pushed through, i finally decided to meet up with my friends. I met up ken at Mcdo Glorietta until Georgia showed up. I was so fucking shocked to see the book she was holding...SHIT!!! super fucking SHIT! This is the book my friend Julius wanted me to read!!!!! "He's Not Just Into YOu!"

What's with this book? Eto ung book na bagay sa mga taong "babae/bading/bisexual/o lalaki" na pilit kiniconvince sarili nila that there is this somebody who's interested in them!

This book fits me so well kasi, i kept convincing myself na this person im dating still likes me and that may hope pa na magkatuluyan kami. This book made me realize na wala na talaga and i have to let go and move on.

1) The person is super busy with work, no time to sleep, kaya di na ako imimeet every day
2) The person can meet me na, kasi di na siya super busy, kaso imimeet na naman nya bestfriend nya, lola nya, tita nya, etc
3) Nawala cellphone nya, ala pa siya pera pambili
4) Binigay ko contact number ko, para macontact nya ako kahit weekend, kahit email pa siya , recieve ko phone ko, to no avail ala pa rin....
5) Weekend, di nagparamdam, di ko alam, siguro nga busy talaga siya..heller!!!
6) Been dating for a month, di parin pwede maging kayo kasi hindi daw ready, dami pa issues ...

Now tell me, would it be right to conclude that the book is really true when it says "He's Not Just That Into YOu!" .. Its high time for me to move on, open my doors for new things. if the person really wants you, no matter how busy he is, kahit ano pa, basta gusto ka niya, gagawa at gagawa yan ng paraan mapafeel lang nya sayo na gusto ka niya.... Diba.. "Pag gusto maraming paraan pag ayaw maraming dahilan!"

Haay.. im such a fucking stupid hopelessly romantic guy! i still like the person kaso ano ba magagawa ko, eh parang ayaw na talaga nya sa akin, its not that there are lots of fishes in the ocean to catch, iba pa rin ung taong gusto mo, pero paano na yan, eh ayaw ka na nya..pipilitin mo ba sarili mo?

Nasasayangan talaga ako, what else can i do? wait? yes i could wait pero for how long? forever? no way.....siguro if tym comes na he will realize things for me, i hope im still available for him, pero sana, if ngayon he'll tell me nlng na wala na talaga..para my thoughts will be clear of whatever..at least now, kahit wala kaming proper closure..i'll date new people nlng..cguro mahanap ko ung "THE ONE" for me... na di ako iiwan... na di super busy .... na pagmagmimeet kami, di suddenly mawawala at di magpapaalam na di pala matutuloy...

Greatest lesson: Ang daming isda sa dagat, kung ikay isang gutom na mangingisda bat ka pa nagpupumilit humuli sa isang isdang ayaw magpahuli sa'yo eh ang dami naman dyang gustong magpahuli sayo! Gusto mo bang maghintay hanggang mamatay ka sa gutom?

Crazy Saturdays

I did two great things the past 2 Saturdays... hehehe.. read on!

September 10, 2005

The thursday before that, i sent Ted a letter na im leaving, di pa kami ha? pero i told him na di ko na kaya ginagawa nya sakin, i hate feeling left out, di pinapansin, kasi gusto ko pinapafeel talaga sakin na gusto ako...kaya un..

i was supposed to meet a new guy named bernard, super cute sya, gym sana kami sa the fort, kaso di natuloy, ewan kung bakit, maybe it was he knew what i was going thru and maybe he doesnt want to meddle with guys na may romantic issues..in short ayaw nya sa taong may hang ups pa!

so nag gym nalang ako sa ortigas... malapit lng kasi sa bahay..yokong mag stay sa bahay..mas lalo akong nadedepressed...

kaso wyl naggigym ako sa fitness ortigas, ala lang naisip ko lang..magpapacute ako... shit! kumagat ung pinapacutan ko!...kaso that very moment when the guy approached me, i didnt feel good.... andun pa din sa mind ko si ted... naisip ko siya...

kaya.......

i hurriedly finished my sets, nagshower na ako at tumakbo papuntang shangrila plaza para mag-internet..hay salamay onlyn siya..kaso out for lunch..pano na yan.. so what i did, nagsend nalang ako ng message na i wanted to meet him again..

nagreply sya na di pwede kasi ala daw sya pera kaso he sent it to the wrong address..kaya ang tumakbo na naman ako sa garden court and starbucks shang and seattles best mega hoping to see him there.. ala pa din eh so i went to fitness ortigas..i took my chances.. and the receptionist said he isn't there i asked if andun sya makati..yes andun nga sya..kaya i hurriedly got a cab and went to makati fitness.. there i found him.. sa shower talking to jomai hu liked him a lot..shit! nagsecond thoughts na naman ako, maybe im late na...

to cut the story short, nagtalk kami, i cried, i asked for his heart back... and he said yes..haaay..buti nalang nawala ung big L sa noo ko....


FAST FORWARD >>>>>>>>>

September 17, 2005

Haay eto na naman ako, depressed kasi di na naman nagparamdam si Ted... sonag gym ulit ako sa fitness ortigas to keep myself busy.. then i found this guy.." mala jovince canizares" look. in short model..sexy, maputi... i stared at him..shit! and he stared at me too... haay.eto na naman ako nagsisimula na naman...

then finally this model guy approached me na pwede ba kami magshare ng machine..e d oo na!!!...then he introduced his self..and finally got my number... e di ang haba ulit ng hair ko....

i met the guy again last sunday and now were friends... we talked, i told him what i have been through... and he shared his story too... haay! enjoy talaga ako last wikend..di ko masyado naisip si Ted...

still dont know ano what will happened next..hoping for the best....

Lesson learned: Keep your self busy with other things ... if ayaw na nya talaga sayo... wag mo pilitin sarili mo..u have the right to enjoy ... meet new people .. get to know them ..and enjoy theyre company, if theyre meant for you..tym will come na theyll be yours!