What Ifs

Maaga ako pumasok sa office because i have to finish a document and have it submitted by 11am. I was so sleepy when i got in but i have no choice but to start working, the clock ticks so fast.

Its Teddy's birthday today, so i also thought of sending him a message sa YM,

"Happy Birthday! I wish that you will be the happiest person on your birthday. I hope God will give you everything that you have been asking for. God Bless! Im just here for you"

When i sent him the message, he was still offlyn sa YM baka siguro nagbirthday leave. So i continued with my work, kasi nga diba kailangan ko matapos to by 11am.

So un, not until i saw his status as onlyn. Aba nagonlyn? Most likely he is just at home.checking his messages, sana magreply siya, i told myself. Kaso nag offlyn na siya, i didnt receive a reply, ang taray nito!

What ifs...

I asked my officemate this question, "Do i have to do something, now that it is his birthday?" sabi niya, "wala, its enough that you greeted him, at least you remembered" ...

Then i thought, what if kami pa ngayon? Ano kaya gift ko sa kanya? Where kaya kami pupunta? Mapapasaya ko kaya siya sa birthday niya? What if birthday ko na, may gift kaya siya sa akin? Maaalala kaya niya birthday ko? Lalabas kaya kami? Mapapasaya kaya niya ako?

Now that it is his birthday, Sino kaya kasama niya? May gift kaya siyang matatangap? Is he happy? Ano kaya wish niya? Ano ginagawa niya?

Haay, siguro i still like him, why am I asking these questions? No matter how hard i try to hate him or entertain other guys or try to flirt with other guys just to forget him, when the sun sets, siya pa rin iniisip ko makasama... I cant just brush him off my thoughts... Even if i try to sarcastically answer his questions sa YM or tell blatantly all my stupid lies that i dated other guys na, whats inside my thoughts is the longing for him, the questions why it happened, what went wrong.. what i could have done to be better or he could have done for the relationship to be better.....


Sayang nga lang, it didnt work out.. maybe i just have to continue with my moving on process and try to forget him and start taking him as a friend....He may not really be the ONE for me ....

Its hard to close the book when you still want to reread some of its chapters, when you cant find any new interesting book to read. Or maybe you just have to sit down somewhere and ponder on what you have learned from the book you have just read. Eventually, you will learn to close it...slowly...